One common misconception is that men who suffer from erectile dysfunction are either impotent or come too quickly. The truth is, problems ejaculating are usually far less extreme…at least in the beginning. They get progressively worse as time goes on and the worst case scenario is that you notice your erectile difficulty may soon become impotence…or even something far worse.
Most statistics suggest that up to 30 percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation, while one source says that up to 40 percent of men have infrequent to severe problems with erectile dysfunction by the age of 40.
Men may either not notice symptoms of E.D., or may feel the signs they observe do not merit a visit to the doctor. They figure they can handle the problem or get help on their own. Unfortunately, the problem tends to get worse when untreated and the longer a man waits to get help, the more he hinders his own sex life and that of his partner.
Look for these signs and then start thinking of conservative treatment you can try on your own. You might not have to see a doctor after all, as long as you can address the problem.
Table of contents
- 1 1. You get erections throughout the day but once you start to masturbate or make love to a partner, you can’t seem to hold an erection.
- 2 2. Your libido drops…and you’re supposed to be a rock star!
- 3 3. You seem to have problems ejaculating quickly and with staying power.
- 4 4. It hurts to ejaculate.
- 5 5. Even though you can keep an erection, you can’t seem to orgasm at all.
- 6 6. Even though you can get an erection, you can’t seem to orgasm and ejaculate through normal intercourse.
- 7 7. Your orgasm and ejaculation are weak or in some cases, barely observable.
- 8 8. You don’t seem to have any problems with desire but you cannot orgasm and ejaculate with a woman, or inside a vagina.
- 9 9. You prefer masturbating to making love to a partner.
- 10 10. Your erections hurt!
1. You get erections throughout the day but once you start to masturbate or make love to a partner, you can’t seem to hold an erection.
Contrary to popular belief, older men don’t naturally lose their erection power. Younger men do have a stamina advantage of course, but there’s no reason why a middle aged man shouldn’t be able to hold an erection for at least a few minutes. Healthline.com lists trouble getting an erection and maintaining an erection during sex or masturbation as a possible sign of erectile dysfunction.
2. Your libido drops…and you’re supposed to be a rock star!
Come on, most guys are proud of their sexual drive, particularly when they’re young to middle age. If you’ve noticed that you just don’t seem interested in sex anymore (when just a while ago you were insatiable like Caligula) then it appears that this is a symptom of E.D. or other ejaculation problems.
Now this doesn’t always mean that you have a testosterone problem or medical problem. Sometimes the loss of libido can be relationship-related or even signs of depression or stress. But a sudden drop in libido should be at least considered as a possible sign of E.D. issues.
3. You seem to have problems ejaculating quickly and with staying power.
This is where things get tricky because most guys figure they don’t have a problem with premature ejaculation if they can last approximately five minutes, give or take. There might be a problem however, if you used to be able to last for several minutes, but lately can’t seem to hold back ejaculation for more than a couple of minutes.
Is this a sign of aging? In theory no, but rather indicative of a drop in testosterone or a or a problem with blood flow or other medical E.D. issues. There is also the possibility it’s a psychological problem, or if you’ve been unknowingly training yourself to come faster…as is the case with some men and viewing pornography and or masturbation. You essentially tell your body how to orgasm when you have sex or masturbate in a particular pattern. So one of the first things a therapist might ask you is how and when you make time for sexual activity.
4. It hurts to ejaculate.
Now don’t get ejaculation pains confused with strain or chaffing from over-masturbating. You’ll definitely know if you have serious ejaculation pains because it will feel internal and intense. Additionally, Life Script states that ejaculation pain, as well as erectile dysfunction, could be a sign of prostate cancer, particularly if you notice blood in urine or semen.
This emphasizes why it’s important to determine whether E.D. problems are psychological or physical in nature. If they’re physical, it’s important to get a physical check up and to find treatment that can address any life-threatening issues that may go otherwise unnoticed for months.
5. Even though you can keep an erection, you can’t seem to orgasm at all.
While female anorgasmia is more common than male anorgasmia, male orgasmic disorder does happen and it affects approximately 10 percent of the population. This means that although a man may be able to get erect and make love, he cannot orgasm and ejaculate even after intense stimulation. It’s not that he doesn’t want to orgasm or that he doesn’t feel like orgasming—he just can’t. And this causes him personal distress.
According to The Institute for Sexual Medicine, male anorgasmia can be primary (men who have never orgasmed before) or secondary (men who used to orgasm normally but can’t orgasm). Most evidence suggests these issues are psychological, although in some cases medical conditions like multiple sclerosis or diabetic neuropathy could be to blame.
6. Even though you can get an erection, you can’t seem to orgasm and ejaculate through normal intercourse.
Men might assume that ejaculation problems only involve coming too early but the opposite can also be true. If you can make love for a long period of time but can’t seem to come when you want to, or when your partner wants you to, this can be cause for concern.
The Mayo Clinic states that delayed ejaculation can be caused by a variety of physical problems like injury to pelvic nerves, urinary tract infection, neurological diseases, low thyroid or low testosterone. Certain psychological conditions can also cause problems ejaculating like depression, anxiety or performance anxiety.
7. Your orgasm and ejaculation are weak or in some cases, barely observable.
This type of “anti climax” is suspicious enough to cause concern. You seem to have no problem maintaining an erection and reaching a sexual peak…but then you experience something called retrograde ejaculation, a condition in which the semen goes backwards into the bladder instead of out through the urethra and then from the penis. According to Web MD, retrograde ejaculation often occurs with patients who have nerve damage or diabetes, as well as men who have had prostate surgery done. Certain medications can also cause this condition.
8. You don’t seem to have any problems with desire but you cannot orgasm and ejaculate with a woman, or inside a vagina.
When you can’t come in the traditional way, this is referred to (quite insultingly) as “retarded ejaculation”, or perhaps inhibited ejaculation, which certainly sounds a little more P.C. to a man with a delicate ego. No, fear or difficulty of having sex the traditional way is not a “retarded” thing to do, and no doubt the negative stigma of a man seeking help with sexual behavior prevents many men from coming forward and admitting their problem.
But if you experience this type of “orgasmic discomfort”, know that you’re not alone. This is one of several ejaculatory disorders loosely defined as E.D., and it can have degrees of difficulty; from complete inability to orgasm, to weak ejaculations, or even the necessity or orgasming according to a strict routine only.
This condition can be a lifelong or acquired problem, with the secondary kind usually learned behavior—as with masturbation. The International Society for Sexual Medicine writes that inhibited ejaculation is one of “the most common and yet least understood male dysfunctions.”
What’s surprising and thus confusing about this issue is that men usually don’t have any problem keeping an erection—but can’t seem to orgasm inside a woman because of psychological barriers, that eventually cause physical barriers too. Doctors tend to think resentment and unconscious aggression could be a component hear, as well as religious guilt, and fears of getting a woman pregnant. In essence, men learn that they shouldn’t ejaculate and the fear progresses with age.
9. You prefer masturbating to making love to a partner.
While this is obviously a psychologically influenced problem, as opposed to a physical one, don’t underestimate the damage that it can cause.
An article in Psychology Today focused on the subject matter from a practical point of view. People typically masturbate for no other reason than pleasure. Studies from Kinsey confirmed this fact, noting that among happily married or committed couples, masturbation was common and prevalent. It was also mentioned as a solution for couples with desire discrepancy (one partner is always horny, and one partner is only horny a few times a month)
However, masturbation (along with porn) is only harmless to the extent that it doesn’t interfere with one partner’s needs. If one partner masturbates so much that he avoids intimacy completely, this is a sign of a major relationship conflict and trust issue. In addition, avoidance of intimacy and the unwillingness to orgasm with a mate could be caused by poor communication between partners, performance anxiety, poor body image, or stress from another source.
Another common theme among men who suffer from this particular degree of “inhibited ejaculation” disorder, is that they may have trouble distinguishing or accepting the differences between real sex and sexual fantasies they get from porn, erotica or just their own imagination.
Sometimes men may become so immersed in a fantasy that they prefer it to dealing with a partner in the real world. However, don’t conclude that this is an entirely male-centric problem. If a wife or girlfriend refuses to compromise and make love in the “fantasy type environment” that a man finds appealing (such as desires for BDSM, role play, costumes, romantic locations, etc.) she may also be contributing to the poor communication between both partners.
We have to stop thinking about sexual dysfunction as a “his fault” or “her fault” scenario. The truth of the matter, and what therapists seek to do, is help the couple to realize that they have to meet each other halfway and make some compromises, but without being pressured to do something they find morally repugnant.
Mutual respect and a desire to please the other partner will help to heal resentment and increase communication. When both partners feel comfortable with each other, they may reinitiate regular sex and not focus so much on masturbation as a replacement for marital intimacy.
10. Your erections hurt!
Whoever heard of a stiffy so hard that it hurt? Usually that sounds like a creative way to say a guy is really excited…but medically speaking, painful erections are a possible symptom of E.D. This condition is different from painful ejaculation because while that involves the prostate, painful erections are sometimes indicative of Peyronie’s disease, which can be another factor that contributes to erectile dysfunction.
P.D. involves an “abnormal curvature of the penis caused by scar tissue in the tunica albuginea”, in the words of the Cleveland Clinic. Some men make the mistake of thinking this is a genetic deformity that can’t affect them, rather than understanding it’s an unexplained and unfortunate condition, that affects about five percent of the population. If the problem is allowed to continue it may inhibit intercourse completely. Older men are more likely to develop problems with painful erections, and for P.D. surgery is the most common solution.
Regardless of what symptoms you observe, it’s important to take note of any changes in your sexual routine as soon as possible. You may be able to tell if you have erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation patterns, and may decide to try DIY remedies initially.
If you have problems ejaculating, however, it’s important to see a doctor. Mind you, you don’t have to see a sex therapist or confess your dysfunctions in an embarrassing group meeting! But seeing a doctor and ruling out the possibility of major physical disease is a must.
The fact that many men who suffer from heart disease (and who literally drop dead or experience stroke) suffer from erectile dysfunction first should be a cause for alarm. Doctors are now being advised to ask about E.D. for men approaching middle age, since this may be a predictor of heart problems; after all, you owe all your erections to the power and good health of your heart. If one goes, so does the other.
Take your stiffies seriously, guys. Because in some cases, a big hard-on can mean the difference between life and death.
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