The Premature Ejaculation Guide — Understanding the Secret to Self-Control

How unusual that we’re discussing a premature ejaculation guide, all things considered. Premature ejaculation, at least in an evolutionary understanding, is a bit strange to think about. Ideally, in nature, the male ejaculates as quickly as possible in order to indiscriminately spread his seed and ensure his descendants’ survival. After all, any hesitation just gives the female animal a chance to change her mind.

Humans are one of a few mammal species that have sex for pleasure.  The human perspective of ejaculation, namely the man wanting to stay harder for longer periods of time, is directly connected to the ego and id of masculine identity. Men don’t just feel obligated to please women—they enjoy the pleasure that comes from making a woman orgasm. The ability to stay hard for as long as “the lady wants a ride” is a matter of manly pride. Anything short of exceeding all her expectations seems like a personal failure—a humiliation. All that’s left now is for the unsatisfied woman to leave her “weak” lover for a stronger, bigger and longer-lasting stud!

Of course all these notions are ridiculous and evidence of male paranoia, more than anything else. The biggest problem is NOT that men are falling short of expectations of “staying power” – the real problem is that (A) men don’t understand how and why premature ejaculation happens and (B) letting entertainment influence their attitudes on sex.

First, let’s get this out of the way: porn, erotica books and even television and movies are not accurate depictions of sex in any way. They’re staged, they’re choreographed and they are constructed by specialists who play upon the imagination. Sex in real life always feels a little awkward, less than perfect, and obviously unrehearsed. Premature ejaculation is also misunderstood by a vast majority of men who assume that if they can’t last longer than 10 minutes, something’s wrong. Clinical premature ejaculation is refers to ejaculation times of two minutes or less, meaning most men just have a problem with the way they make love—and matching it to what their partner desires.

In this premature ejaculation guide, we’re going to consider how P.E. starts, and then how to treat the issue so that you and your partner can enjoy a better sex life.

Understanding Premature Ejaculation, a Guide to Diagnosis

According to Doctor Fox of the U.K., there are two types of P.E.—lifelong or primary and acquired P.E. Lifelong P.E. results when a man has learned how to prematurely ejaculate over a lifetime of quick sex or quick masturbation. It usually starts during his first encounter and then continues for years on end. Since much of this process involves childhood and adolescence, this is a psychological, traumatic or learned dysfunction.

With acquired premature ejaculation, a man may go years without experiencing any symptoms and then suddenly suffer from weak erections, no erections, as well as premature ejaculation when an erection does form. This is believed to be a more physically induced condition, usually caused by illnesses like high blood pressure, diabetes, drugs and indulgence in alcohol. It can also be caused by new sexual relationship or a new situation like anxiety, depression or performance anxiety about sex.

Statistically, one in five men suffer from P.E. at some point in their lives, and it affects all ages so it’s hardly a secret shame or something rare among men.  It’s quite common from what research shows, especially considering that many men think they have P.E. when it’s just a lack of staying power—a problem that can be rectified.

Premature Ejaculation and Physical Response

What is ejaculation anyway and how is it separate from orgasm? Orgasm refers to a sexual peak—a mental process. Ejaculation refers solely to the act of ejaculating semen, which is often linked together with orgasm, if men have not learned to separate the two.

Neurotransmitters in the brain control ejaculation based on changing serotonin levels. The medical field now believes serotonin is involved in signaling to the brain when it’s time to ejaculate. If these levels are compromised, the signals aren’t working right and the result is extreme sensitivity and excitement, leading to fast ejaculation.

Ejaculation might happen immediately upon penetration or even during foreplay. Other medical or sexual issues known to cause problems with P.E. include abnormal reflex in the male sexual response cycle. Erectile dysfunction, sometimes an indicator of developing heart disease, an overactive thyroid, diabetes, spinal cord injury, and prostate inflammation can also cause P.E. for medical reasons.

It might also help to consider what happens during the sexual response cycle in this premature ejaculation guide, since any obstruction in this phase can cause problems with P.E. as well as other disorders like erectile dysfunction.

Sperm develops in the testis and then travels through the vas deferens. Along the way, semen is created by prostate and seminal vesicles, and then carried with sperm to the urethra. When a man is ready to ejaculate, sperm (now with semen) goes through the urethral duct and shoots forth from the penis.

If you are experiencing problems of a physical nature, you may notice ejaculation comes immediately and without much sexual stimulation. You may only feel a few strokes and already be close to losing control.

You also seem to experience decreased pleasure overall, and naturally, this leads to negative feelings of guilt, frustration and depression. Performance anxiety over premature ejaculation can also lead to a vicious cycle where worry causes physical problems, which leads to more worry and on and on.

If the problem appears to be acquired within the last few years, then it’s likely P.E. will go away on its own, especially if the sufferer is able to make improvements to health or dieting (in the event of P.E. plus erectile dysfunction, aka “weak erections”) or if he can address issues of anxiety, depression or communication problems with your partner.

For lifelong P.E., long-term therapy might be recommended, as there is entire learning process involved with breaking away from old patterns and forming new routines that allow for slower and more gradual stimulation.

Theories for Psychological Or “Primary” Premature Ejaculation Guide

Psychology Today states that part of the problem in treating ejaculation issues is that we as a society have just barely begun to understand the importance of female pleasure and intimate communication as a part of sex, as opposed to just the warm up.

Early religious influences, and even the field of psychiatry, seemed to dismiss the importance of premature ejaculation, suggesting it was just a sign of a man’s over-virility. The faster a man ejaculated the more likely he could impregnate a woman and pass on his genes.

Of course, when deep thinkers started figuring out that sex was not just for procreation and there were a hundred and one ways to please a woman, attitudes began to change. Research by Masters and Johnson concluded that contrary to traditional belief, men could learn to treat their P.E. with a self-help program, curing it like any sort of light medical ailment. Their findings showed a 90 percent improvement rate for men who tried the techniques.

In contemporary studies, some trace lifelong P.E. with a pornography habit that starts in the teen years. It’s not just that teen boys get used to masturbating fast to avoid detection—they also tend to get more excited because of their younger nervous systems. The buildup of sexual desire is so intense in youth that they ejaculate in wet dreams even without deliberate sexual intercourse or masturbation.

In addition, they grow up learning how to keep a specific pattern or patterns of masturbation but may remain ignorant about sex until much later. This adds to the anxiety, which makes the young nervous system even more prone to premature ejaculation problems, since ejaculation and orgasm come along faster when breathing accelerates and when tension in the body develops.

Solutions That Work

The most effective solutions in this premature ejaculation guide are in teaching a man how to relax his nervous system and ejaculation response by way of deeper breathing, and learning to un-tense his body.

Another way to put it is that in order to stop P.E. a man must rebuild new sexual routines, reprogramming the way his body responds to excitement. So a man who takes the time to learn new positions, new stroking patterns, and other means of foreplay with a partner, would have an easier time controlling himself than if he made love to a new woman for the first time.

Ideally, the man gradually escalates sexual intensity with each new session, learning how it feels to “edge” and almost orgasm, but then stop or slow down the rhythm until he can maintain control again. Practicing Kegel flexes, or pelvic muscle squeezes in a series of repetitions throughout the day, can also help build strength.

While some men try to teach themselves the new pattern, others will get help from their wife/girlfriend in order to get a second pair of hands (and all other body parts!) involved in controlling the session. A woman would be better able to activate the Masters and Johnson “squeeze”, which is a somewhat tight squeeze placed at the shaft of a man’s penis in between the thumb and index finger/middle finger. Squeezing this area for 20 seconds until the erection wanes, and then starting up again, may allow a couple to make love for a longer period of time.

Behavioral therapy and seeing a sex therapist may help, but only in terms of providing advice for the couple to try—as well as talking out issues of daily anxiety, performance anxiety, depression or distrust in the relationship. Helping a man learn the signals is a more intimate experience best handled with a partner.

Another alternative is to seek medical solutions for P.E. Unlike Erectile Dysfunction (E.D.) drugs, the component of relief here is through serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which not only treat depression (improving mood) but also cause delayed ejaculation. Having sex while on the medication allows for the postponement of orgasm, perhaps up to several minutes. Brand names of SSRIs include Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac and Anafranil.

For P.E. and erectile dysfunction (weak erections that last only seconds before climax) the phosphodiesterase inhibitor Viagra, and its competitors Cialis and Levitra, may be able to work with SSRIs or cause delayed ejaculation on their own. Dapoxetine is also an SSRI drug that showed some success, as 6,000 patients reported favorable progress using the drug, even compared to placebos.

Other brands of medication that address the problem, according to study by Henry and Morales, include anesthetizing cream like Lignocaine-prilocaine aerosol which is applied to the glans and distal shaft for 10 to 20 minutes, as well as SS Cream (Severance Secret from Seoul), which has anesthetic as well as vasodilatory properties. This numbing sensation can help men to last longer by significantly slowing down or eliminating penis sensitivity for a few minutes.

Though it hardly has a friendly relationship with the FDA, the herbal industry and Traditional Chinese Medicine have long been recommending herbal extracts like epimedium leaf extract, ginkgo biloba leaf, and asian ginseng root and saw palmetto berry.

Epimedium leaf extract has icarrin, which helps increase levels of nitric oxide. Nitric oxide helps with relaxing muscles and stimulating blood flow. Ginkgo biloba leaf has flavonoids and polyphenols, linked with various mental and physical healing, though studies of the herb are not universally recognized. Asian ginseng root helps spike libido and saw palmetto focuses on improving prostate health. Herbal products remain a debatable solution for P.E. but it does emphasize the importance of researching all ingredients before buying and approaching the situation scientifically.

Premature ejaculation may be common among all men—and especially men who have set themselves up for failure trying to beat a 60 minute stamina record—but all men experience these crushing symptoms as a result of their lifestyle and attitudes regarding sex.

Men who over-drink, take certain prescription pills or street drugs, are also at a higher risk to develop problems with keeping an erection and ejaculating when desired. Speaking of mind-altering substances, one reason why certain drugs do indirectly affect ejaculation control is because of low serotonin levels. Lack of sleep does the same thing and this apparently triggers the body to ejaculate more rapidly because of altered serotonin levels.

As you can see, problems with P.E. are relatively easy to fix if you have a willing partner, and or you are willing to slow things down by learning how to masturbate without the goal of immediate ejaculation. For extreme cases medicine or herbal treatments may help, but as we’ve learned in our premature ejaculation guide, P.E. is usually the result of a lifetime of poor habits, either in depleting physical health or in lessons learned the hard way because of sexual ignorance.

The good news is that there are always remedies to try, no matter how long you’ve dealt with the problem, or how hopeless the battle seems to be. Remember your goal is to become a better lover for the one you’re with—not become “better than average”. Communicate with your partner and let intimacy be your guide. Need a little help? In this article I share more tips and techniques on how to last longer before ejaculation.

You might also like this article on maintain your powerful, hard erection.