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How to Go About Overcoming Premature Ejaculation Like a Real Man!

How to Go About Overcoming Premature Ejaculation Like a Real Man!

Overcoming premature ejaculation and other worrysome thoughts

In learning how to go about overcoming premature ejaculation, it’s important to identify what is actually happening in the body to cause the problem, and how medicine can address the treatment from a scientific standpoint. According to a 2009 European Association of Urology report, up to 20 percent of men may be experiencing moderate to severe erectile dysfunction, while as many as 30 percent of men may experience premature ejaculation.

The first question a doctor or therapist might have is whether the patient is experiencing lifelong or primary P.E. or acquired / secondary P.E. The doctor makes this determination based on medical and sexual history, as well as an interview in which he asks the patient how much time passes from the time of penetration to ejaculation.

Premature Ejaculation and Normality

Bear in mind that the clinical criteria for premature ejaculation is two minutes of less of penetration time which is significantly lower than the average staying power of a man. On average a man lasts 5-10 minutes or more, in some cases. It’s difficult to classify what is “normal” or “average” when considering the variety of factors affecting sex such as:

  • How long foreplay lasts, which improves sexual response
  • Whether a man can bring a woman to orgasm with vaginal penetration alone
  • How long a woman actually needs to have a vaginal orgasm
  • How long a man thinks he should last, comparing himself to others

The second item is particularly important, since the majority of women cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration and stroking alone. According to Psychology Today, only 25 percent can orgasm vaginally, without additional clitoral stimulation.

And that fact challenges stubborn notions that men have to last for minutes—even hours on end—to properly satisfy a woman. This exaggerated standard has been perpetuated by pornography, which is creatively edited, and starring “professionals” who are not exactly normal guys when it comes to sexual habits. Don’t envy these guys! Sure, they get to take the scenic view to work, but their sex lives are far from normal and some of them even suffer from delayed ejaculation.

Another misconception that adds to P.E. confusion is the outdated Freudian concept of “mature vaginal orgasms” and immature clitoral orgasms. Hey, Freud was a smart guy no question, but he was wrong about this one, okay? A woman’s central orgasmic chamber is located in the clitoris. Some doctors even believe that the G-spot may be a tail end to the clitoris, which makes such overly masculine, Freudian debate over vaginal orgasms almost pointless.

Nevertheless, a significant population of men have clinical premature ejaculation and their treatment will depend on whether the condition psychologically influenced, as with lifelong type, or physically induced, which is acquired over a recent period of time.

How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation with Drugs

Both primary and secondary P.E. can be effectively treated with prescription medication, which works faster and requires less personal effort than behavioral therapy. A doctor can help you in this respect.

overcoming premature ejaculation with the use of drugs

Viagra is effective not only for erectile dysfunction and weak erections, but also for men who come too fast. Sildenafil (Viagra) as well other phosphodiesterase inhibitor drugs (like Cialis or Levitra) can help in two ways: one, enhancing penis blood flow and lessening the refractory period after a man’s first orgasm; or two, working along with certain antidepressant drugs that delay ejaculation and sexual sensitivity slightly thanks to the component in selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, including Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft.

Another medically proven technique is to use an anesthetizing cream, sometimes prescribed with oral SSRIs or alone. Dapoxetine has been approved for P.E. treatment in Europe. Its effect is to numb the penis so that the man’s sensitivity is halted, allowing him to maintain calmness of mind and body.

Other herbal products, such as epimedium leaf extract, ginkgo biloba leaf, and asian ginseng root are also cited anecdotally but do not have a record of indisputable success in clinical trials.

The advantage of behavioral therapy, and seeking help from a therapist, is that it’s a more long-term solution than pharmacotherapy. Since the patient learns coping mechanisms, and how to deal with the symptoms of P.E., there is less chance of a withdrawal or relapse happening. Naturally, if the situation is dire enough that you go to see a therapist or mention the problem to a doctor, a combination of pharmacotherapy and behavioral therapy might be recommended for faster treatment.

Not only does learning how to overcome premature ejaculation with behavioral therapy help teach ways to last longer, but it also gives the patient back the pleasure, which pharmacology can take away, with its numbing agents, antidepressant prescriptions and so on. Curious? Just check out this article on how to last longer before ejaculation.

Where P.E. is Learned

How to go about overcoming premature ejaculation naturally is a matter of training. For lifelong P.E., a man must be trained (by a partner or by teaching himself) how to avoid the same patterns that cause P.E. and embrace new techniques that delay ejaculation and help him control his excitement.

The first step is addressing anxiety, performance anxiety, repressed guilt, partner resentment, and other subconscious reasons why a man may be blocking his own progress. Once these issues are discussed, usually with a sex or relationship therapists, treatment can focus on behavioral therapy and modifying sexual patterns.

Premature ejaculation is believed to be learned in childhood and or adolescence. Doctors state that P.E. can be learned by young boys who masturbate quickly, and aren’t mature enough to handle equal giving/receiving sexual relationships. Their pleasure is self-absorbed and so lasts only a couple of minutes—especially when combined with watching exaggerated pornography. Some P.E. behavior in boys may even be passed on genetically, or influenced by strict religious environments where self-pleasure is frowned upon and scandalized.

A boy afraid of being caught and humiliated would certainly not openly masturbate with a goal of lasting longer and training himself to stay hard. But that’s precisely the aim of behavioral therapy—teaching the man, as one person and as part of a couple, to “edge” himself and come gradually closer to orgasm without reaching that point of no return.

The key to success in how to go about overcoming premature ejaculation is that the man does NOT edge until much later in the program. First, he eliminates the goal of penetration and orgasm. Based on principles taught in sensate focus, men struggling with P.E. should be taught how to experience and absorb pleasure at a much slower level—namely through intimacy, caressing, sensual touching and kissing. At first, both partners are forbidden to genital touch until they practice touching sensually without the goal of orgasm.

As the man gains more experience with his body and more subtle sensations, he gradually reintroduces genital touching into the sessions, with help from his partner. When genital penetration is allowed again, usually after several practice sessions of just touching, both partners focus on a slower pace of lovemaking, with more time devoted to foreplay before penetration.

They continue to hold off on orgasm and change positions whenever the man becomes too excited to continue the rhythm. They may also learn, after several practicing sessions, that some positions are too challenging to keep up, while others are much easier to manage.

While foreplay is increased, a man can be taught to please a woman orally or with fingers for longer periods of time, thereby making vaginal orgasms easier. Nevertheless, women too should be taught that clitoral stimulation always helps bring on vaginal orgasms, so that they can take the lead in finding their own personal pleasure.  Only a minority population of women can vaginally orgasm without simultaneous and direct clitoral stimulation.

Overcoming Premature Ejaculation on Your Own

While it IS important to cover the above mentioned steps and communicate with your partner, (avoidance is only going to make matters worse) it is also true that men can practice improving stamina on their own.

The first step in how to overcome premature ejaculation is understanding the sensitivity of his own body, and this is something that can be taught to his partner too. For instance, strategic pressure can be placed on parts of the penis and testes to slow down the passage of ejaculate and control arousal. These “hot spots” include:

The Perineum: In between the anus and the scrotum is a middle spot that reaches internally to the prostate gland. This gland contracts and expands during orgasm, which helps to get the ejaculate moving. Apply this pressure on your own or get your partner to press on it gently, but at moderate strength. This may help curb the need to ejaculate if you get too close to the threshold.

The Testes: Testicles tend to rise closer to the body when a man becomes overly excited and is ready to ejaculate. A man or woman could delay ejaculation by gently (always gently!) pulling back the scrotum and giving the boys some room.

The Upper Shaft: This move is best done with a partner; a woman takes the shaft in her hand and squeezes at moderate pressure in between the penis head and the shaft—right where it meets at the frenulum. She applies pressure for 10-20 seconds. Work out a signal where you can let her know that ejaculation is almost here but do NOT wait until the last second. In the beginning of training, a man stops sexual stimulation before he reaches the point of no return.

The Start – Stop Technique

A man’s edging himself means that he (and his partner) practice in stimulating him just below the point of inevitable ejaculation. Once he learns to track his passion according to degree of intensity, he can give signals, or learn to stop stimulation himself. If ejaculation is a 10 and the feeling right before ejaculation peaks at 9, he might start by stopping the excitement around 7. As he gains more practice, he moves closer towards 8 then, after a great deal of practice and self control, he “edges” to 9 but can learn to pull himself back.

Breathing and Visualization Exercises for Overcoming Premature Ejaculation

Lastly, a man can practice on his own to learn breathing strategies and visualization techniques to divide his attention and refocus the sensation in his body. Ejaculation and orgasm always come with an elevated heart rate and shallower breathing. By staying calm and relaxing his body through diaphragm breathing and muscle relaxation, he can postpone his excitement, which preludes to losing control and ejaculating.

Triangular breathing is a breathing and visualization exercise that helps men gain control over their bodies by breathing in three stages. Breathe in deeply for three seconds, making sure to hold your hands on your belly and chest to ensure it’s real diaphragm breathing. (Only the stomach moves while the chest stays still)  Visualize energy moving across the triangle shape.

Then, for the second three seconds let your breath out, visualizing the next angle of the triangle. Do it again for the next angle, still visualizing. This exercise teaches you not only how to visualize, and breathe deeper for relaxation, but also how to divide your attention across multiple sections of your body for a fuller orgasm but a longer journey getting to climax.

Meanwhile, practice progressively relaxing your muscles, one area at a time. Tense your muscles section by section and then feel the ease and relaxation as you let go of that tension, starting from your toes and feet and progressing all the way to your neck and head.

Kegel exercises are another component here, but some men misunderstand how they work. Kegel exercises alone do not make you a super lover capable of postponing erections for hours. Instead, you practice Kegel exercises (flexing your pelvic floor muscles—that tensing you do when you hold back urine, which extends all the way back to your anus and tailbone) WITH deep breathing and with visualization exercises and with muscle relaxation.

This limp and super relaxed feeling will help you to stay harder longer, without the pressure of trying to “beat to clock” and avoid feeling excited.

With concentrated effort, you can both feel excited and learn how to overcome premature ejaculation, while also delaying orgasm. In simple words, the more you take the time to enjoy sex, concentrating on sensation, the longer your erection will last—without the performance fear that psyches you out before you even get started.

Sources

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2050116115300337 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/the-most-important-sexual-statistic http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/g-spot-part-clitoris https://www.drugs.com/health-guide/premature-ejaculation.html https://www.euroclinix.net/en/premature-ejaculation http://counselling-matters.org.uk/sites/counselling-matters/files/SensateFocus.pdf

Mark Meyers

Mark is founder and sexcoach at Sexual Improvements. "Anyone can have an awesome sexlife with the right information!"

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