How can we learn cunnilingus?

Men have to learn how to perform cunnilingus! Satisfying a woman by cunnilingus is not a talent we are born with.

In this article we look at

• Why men need to learn cunnilingus
• How men should learn cunnilingus
• The effects good cunnilingus has
• A few tips that you can apply immediately to your partner.

Why men need to learn cunnilingus

The reason why we have to learn how to perform good cunnilingus is that we don’t know how to do it intuitively!

Men don’t know how to perform cunnilingus!

Why not? Because as men, we tend to think that women will react to sexual stimulations in the same way as men do.

In other words, when our partners perform a certain sexual act on us, the average man thinks that the good feeling that goes paired with this will be the same for her if we do exactly the same to her.

The most commonly made mistakes during cunnilingus

The biggest mistake a man can make during cunnilingus is to think that he should do to her exactly what she does to him.

Female sexuality is very different from male sexuality.  It is not true that women only want soft tender sex,. It is not true that you can never go wild or become a bit rougher. The message is simply that you shouldn’t perform sex acts on her in the way you would enjoy it yourself.

The man who performs cunnilingus purely on his own intuition will probably get it completely wrong!

The build-up and continuity during cunnilingus is very important for most women.

We often go to fast or to fierce, because that’s what we like ourselves. But for women it is often far too early to do that.

The exact spots where tongue movements are the most effective are important and most men don’t know them or know very little.

In my opinion men need to learn cunnlingus. We need to take our time for this and we need to put enough effort into it.

You could wonder: why spend more time and energy on this part of sex than the other parts?

The reason is simple: Satisfying a woman 100% can be a challenge for most men. We often feel it’s an obligation to give her an orgasm because we find that very important when having sex ourselves.

If it doesn’t work a few times in a row, we can get the feeling that we are not doing enough for her during sex.

Not every woman reaches an orgasm easily, but here’s one golden rule: Reaching an orgasm is easiest with cunnilingus for most women, if and only if cunnilingus is done well!

This is the reason why I think learning cunnilingus is a male obligation! It is the best way to make sure we give our partners the best enjoyment, which they deserve.

How should men learn cunnilingus?

I wondered about this a few years ago and reacted in the same way most men do. I went looking for sex tips of people who were better at these things than me.

This brought me to books, videos, websites and other sources that could tell me anything about how to get better at sex.

I read everything and tried out many tips and tricks, but I soon found out that everything I learned and all the knowledge I got came from other men!

This is quite strange if you think about it. Why is it so that when we want to find out what women like the most during sex we always end up with what men think about this?

The answer to the question of how men should learn cunnilingus can only come from one source: the woman!

Learn cunnilingus

It is dangerous to start cunnlingus on our own intuition as mentioned before. When we do this we may give our own interpretation of sex more value that what our partner really likes.

To find out we have two important tools available:

1. Experimentation
2. Communication

Communicating about sex acts during sex seems difficult for many couples, although it is the most trust worthy and effective source of information about what our partner likes the most.

Experimentation

The best way to learn cunnilingus is through experimentation.

The method of “determining extremes”

When I teamed up with Eveline De Bruin to develop “The Ultimate Cunnilingus Method”, we found a way for men to determine for every different woman which way of applying cunnilingus she would enjoy the most.

We called this method: “determining extremes”.

In this method we determine the speed and intensity of our tongue movements on and around the vulva of the woman.

Every man can apply this method to every woman to find out how to best stimulate her during oral sex. We start at the beginning of oral sex at the very left of the speed axis. This means we make soft slow tongue movements to start.

Now we speed up the tongue movements slightly. We do this because fast soft tongue movements don’t take too much energy and can be kept up longer without causing cramps or stiff cheeks.

We then increase the speed slowly and check our partner’s physical reaction. As soon as we notice that the increase in speed doesn’t make a difference we slow down slightly.

For most women the perfect speed is much lower than men think! Two licking movements per second are mostly enough.

Determining the intensity of cunnilingus

The next step is to keep to the same speed but to increase the intensity of the tongue movements.

Imagine the vertical axis of the graph for intensity and slowly add some pressure with your tongue on the area around her clitoris and small labia.

You can vary the speed here and there. The importance is to keep watching her reaction.

We are now looking for the point where the perfect speed and the perfect intensity meet. Sometimes we have to decrease the intensity when we increase the speed to give our partner the maximum pleasure. If this works, we draw an imaginary point on the graph where speed and intensity work best.

This will give a a stable point from where we can work during cunnilingus. We know we’re doing well at this point.

Communication

Communication is actually the most important one.

By communicating we can determine the ultimate pleasure through speed and intensity much easier and faster.

By telling your partner you will increase speed and intensity and by asking her to let you know what she prefers your cunnilingus skills can be perfected for your specific partner, with as result that you partner will enjoy cunnilingus even more.

Learn cunnilingus with this kind of experience

You can become very good at cunnilingus by using this method for a while. You will soon notice that you have become more sensitive to your partner’s physical signs when she likes or dislikes something.

You’ll find it easier to sense if a partner enjoys a soft, fast or slow style of cunnilingus. You can make cunnilingus more exciting, because you learn where her limits are.

All this will make a huge difference to a man who tries to perform at his own intuition.

In “the ultimate cunnilingus method”, Eveline and I talk about a lot more of these powerful and easy techniques which can make any man a real cunnilingus champion.

The effects of learning cunnilingus

What has to be said is the effect cunnilingus can have on your relationship when you learn to do it well. The stimulating feeling of a good oral sex session brings along very intense sexual emotions; she will get fantastic orgasms, but there are other advantages to it as well.

At the start of this article I said it can be annoying for a man not to be able to give his partner an orgasm, when she can do it to him every time again.

Women often get a similar feeling. It is more a sense of gratitude which makes a woman want to give you the same pleasure as you gave her during oral sex.

The connection that grows now makes sex a lot more intense, and the doubt that bugs many men disappears.

This means that we can now concentrate on our own pleasure and our partner’s as well.

This makes our own sexual stimuli more intense; we enjoy sex more intensely and have more intense orgasms as well.

There is another big advantage to learning cunnilingus.

After sex the relationship between two partners who satisfied each other completely is much more balanced.

None of the two worries that they got more out of it than the other; this gives an unequalled feeling of satisfaction and relaxation.

How a man can reach the highest cunnilingus level

I have worked very hard with Eveline de Bruin to develop the Ultimate Cunnilingus Method for men, as I mentioned previously.

The aim of the method is to teach men everything there is to know about what women like during oral sex. The information comes straight from the source, the woman. Eveline has been very generous with sharing her own personal experiences but she has also learned a lot during her work as a sex coach for couples. She has added a lot of value to the method and has made this method the most powerful manual for oral sex that a man could ever wish for.

Reading and applying the information in the method will bring your own capacities to a whole new level. This will help you to bring any woman to an unbelievable orgasm, maybe even the most intense orgasm she has ever had; with all the positive consequences.

If you are interested in the method, please have a look at this page.