The Definitive Guide to Lasting Longer in Bed

We’ve written a lot here about premature ejaculation—you know, lasting longer in bed. Sure, it’s an embarrassing problem and through great concentration and using some basic techniques during sex, you can learn to last longer—just long enough to please your partner.

But what about when you want to go beyond the “norm?”  What if you want to actually last much longer in bed—perhaps even an hour long? Maybe your girlfriend wants multiple orgasms. Maybe your poor sweet girlfriend complained that all her exes finished within five minutes and her lifelong dream is to be with a guy who can stay hard for an hour or longer so she can feel the earth shake!

Well in that case, Superman, it’s time for you to answer the call of duty.

Your main concern is not simply avoiding ejaculation, but wanting to last longer in bed than the average man. Yes, it can be done and it’s NOT just a matter of genetic luck. You can learn how to last longer, even if you’ve never been a sex god before. We’re going to explain all the ways to stay harder longer, from conservative ideas on love making to the most radical ways men become stallions, by ingesting a little something extra.

Let’s start with the most conservative and least “embarrassing” treatment…in fact, this stuff is so subtle she might not even notice what you’re doing.

Conservative Treatment—So Subtle She Won’t Even Notice!

If you’re going to make love for an extra long time, you have to learn to kick the butt of “performance anxiety” and actually boost your self-confidence level before going in. Performance anxiety quite literally kills erections and makes you come faster than normal. According to Men’s Health, some of the best ways to avoid ejaculating too quickly is to simply work on relaxing your body and stop worrying about staying power. Focus on the pleasure of what you’re doing and the sensations of what you give to her and she gives to you. Stop viewing orgasm as a goal and spend more time in foreplay.

Oral Orgasms

Trust us, no woman will ever complain about more foreplay in the beginning. An easy way to distract her from the penetration she craves is to go down on her and give her oral sex—don’t stop until she comes once or twice (or as many times as she enjoys it!).

Even if you’re going to penetrate her, it’s much better to stimulate her for several minutes in advance so that your penis doesn’t have to carry the burden all by its lonesome. Most women can’t even come from vaginal penetration alone, so just put it in your head that she wants to orgasm right away before intercourse even happens. Now that that she’s extra ripe for penetration, the real fun begins…and you don’t put nearly as much pressure on yourself.

Easy Penis Remedies

Pre-masturbating (an hour or two in advance) is a great way to give yourself the edge before you have sex. Masturbating in advance makes you slightly desensitized to sensation. The next time you get an erection you can indulge a little rougher and more intense.

If you’re newly dating and still using condoms anyway, buy a few “extra thick” condoms. No it’s not just for guys who are paranoid—extra thick condoms actually shield your penis a bit more, allowing for deeper thrusts without the extra sensitivity.

Deep Breathing and Kegel Exercises

You can build a better body and naturally resist coming too quickly even without your partner knowing, IF you have time to practice on your own. We’re not just talking about masturbating in private, but also combining this private time with a new way of breathing and a new exercise you can practice throughout the day.

For starters, learn how to breathe deeply. Breathe through your nose and with your belly, not just your chest. Learn to inhale for 4-6 seconds, hold it for the same amount of time, and then let go slowly, for the same number of seconds. Breathing deeply gives you more oxygen and helps you relax. In contrast shallow breathing, or holding your breath, only tenses your body, welcoming ejaculation sooner.

Combine deep breathing with more “practice” masturbating. Learn to relax your body completely so you can see the difference it makes in staying power. Don’t let yourself breathe shallow breaths—slow down masturbation and take the time to breath.

Now, practice Kegel exercises in your spare time, so that they come more naturally during sex / masturbation. Kegel exercises are when you flex your pelvic floor muscles, behind the base of the penis. When you contract or flex, it’s the same feeling of stopping the flow of urine. Practice squeezing a quick “rep” and then work your way up to multiple squeezes in succession. You can even lengthen the flex so that you feel it in your penis and then all the way back to the tailbone.

Building up strength in your PC muscles and flexing during sexual stimulation helps you to build up more endurance and reduce arousal. This is important as you learn the start and stop technique.

Start and Stop Technique– For Men

You know by now that you need to practice masturbation, but in addition, you need to learn your ejaculation threshold. This means you find the point of no return and you work to avoid going that. Allow yourself plenty of private time to stimulate your genitals but then STOP right as you get nearer that point.

For example a 10 would be the second right before you come (and can’t help it even if you tried). Work yourself up to a 7 and then STOP. Start again.

Now work yourself up to an 8 and stop, start again when you’re in control. Now as you work way up to a 9 – so close to ejaculating but not quite – learn NOT to stop, but to simply reduce the intensity of stroking so that you can maintain that level of 9. This is called edging and it will help you learn what your pattern is and how to avoid ejaculation but keep the rhythm going.

Getting Your Partner to Help You Last Longer in Bed

Now the above advice will definitely help you to last longer in general. But chances are, if you want to be a marathon man, you’re going to have to tell your partner that (A) you want to go for an hour and give her the best vaginal orgasms of her life, and (B) she’s way too sexy for you and so she has to cooperate with you so that you don’t come too soon.

Although some men can increase staying power without discussing it with their partner, for guys that can’t seem to go beyond 5-10 minutes, you probably will have to tell her eventually.

No matter…she can help you tremendously by following your lead and trying these advanced two-player techniques.

Start and Stop Technique – For Couples

When a partner helps you with Start and Stop, it’s actually much more enjoyable and dare we say even more productive. Now, she controls your orgasm and when and where you’re allowed to come. She can do this by:

1. Not allowing you to thrust at all, but rather slowing foreplay and penetration down
2. Treating your penis like a sex toy that she moves and activates
3. Choosing positions that give her control over stroking and rhythm

Most men take control of penetration and want to operate like a jackhammer! They get this idea from porn and so surprise that they can’t last as long as Dirk Diggler. A woman in control is a great idea because she makes him slow down, and makes him focus on the feelings of soft, slow and not so violent penetration.

She can even take it extra slow by giving him a start and stop handjob, and then later a start and stop blowjob, and then finally intercourse. He signals to her when his point of no return is approaching so that she can either stop stimulation or slow it down to a more controllable level.

This doesn’t have to be dry or clinical—make it sexy by talking sexy and having fun with the experimentation. Remember also that you can always go back to foreplay at any time, and constant penetration shouldn’t be the only option.

If you’re so overstimulated that you can’t help but come, don’t give up—and don’t let her give up. Many women enjoy making love in “round 2” after the man’s “refractory period” ends (when he’s soft for a few minutes but then gets hard again). As stated before, when men ejaculate and then make love again, they are slightly more desensitized and can last longer naturally.

Change Positions

You might often hear of the Kama Sutra when discussing ways for men to stay harder longer, and yes, partly it’s because of the many different positions the ancient guide shows. However, it’s not just because you’re changing positions—you’re actually changing the rhythm of your strokes. Doggy style or woman on top positions are especially known for staving off fast orgasm.

The Kama Sutra even suggests that men start slowly, with each in and out cycle lasting about three seconds. Obviously jack-hammering your penis faster than that is asking for trouble. Instead, start slow and gradually increase the number of strokes, eventually working your way up to one stroke per second.

If you feel the urge to ejaculate, STOP stroking until you get back that control.

The 7-9 technique involves not only changing positions but also changing the rhythm of your strokes by deliberate counting, not just timing. For example, instead of stroking shallow or deep, you simply alter your strokes to go 7 in and out strokes fast and then 9 slow.

This both provides a steady rhythm for her, while also challenging him to change his rhythm and partly divert his attention. In addition to changing the position and the slow/fast timing, men can also change the degree of shallow strokes or deeper strokes.

Medication and Herbal Supplements for Lasting Longer in Bed

Medication may be the radical solution and the most uncomfortable option since you have to talk to a doctor, but in terms of efficacy it’s hard to argue. According to a study cited in Men’s Health, antidepressants like Prozac showed positive results for premature ejaculation sufferers. Seventy-three percent of PE patients reported massive improvement or even a total “cure” of the problem with 20 milligrams of Prozac a day for a week.

Viagra is usually a drug recommended for erectile dysfunction, and though it doesn’t actually help you last longer in terms of staying power, what it can do is increase your blood flow so powerfully that you can easily go round two and round three with little effort and not as much waiting time.

According to LiveStrong, herbal supplements can do the trick as well. Ray Sahelian claimed that taking Kava root pills or powder (100 milligrams) before sex can help delay ejaculation “naturally”, by way of increasing blood flow to the penis while also slowing the reaction to sexual stimulation. Hibiscus flower drops were also recommended as treatment for stress, while also improving sexual function.

A compromise in between prescription pills and herbal supplements, is a light anesthetic spray, such as K-Y Duration. This desensitizes the nerves of your penis, and you can administer topically anywhere from 3-10 sprays. The main ingredient is lidocaine, approved by the FDA, which means you get a mostly safe experience with some sensation left and much of the sensitivity taken away.

Last but not least, let’s talk about sexercise! That is, an exercise regimen that gets you into better shape for better staying power. This may well be the most radical treatment of all since it requires the most effort. But according to Men’s Journal, doing cardio exercises, pelvic lifts, groin stretches, lunges and reverse crutches, can actually help you last longer in bed.

According to the sexercise expert, exercise helps men to breathe deeper, build a stronger pelvis for tolerating various sexual positions, improve posture and naturally improve blood flow—like a free dose of Viagra!

What ultimately matters is that you get help, whether trying something secret and safe or seeking more permanent solutions with exercise, and or medicinal treatment. In any event, your partner is definitely going to appreciate—and feel—the commitment you have to becoming a better and longer-lasting man.

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