All men, yes, all men endeavor to be great lovers and to guarantee maximum pleasure for their partners. Women on the other hand look forward to having long lasting sexual intercourse that culminates in orgasm for the her and her partner. In this light, Men’s Health carried out a survey that sought to find out what was the most likely factor to prevent women from having an orgasm. The second most occurring answer was that their partners did not last long enough.
The ability to finish early and quickly is strategic in many areas in life, but not when it comes to sexual intercourse. Nothing makes a man feel more insecure than coming up short when it matters most. There is the obsession among many men with the amount of time they should last in bed. The conundrum is made even bigger by the fact that the majority of them do not know how long normal sex should take before ejaculation.
A study undertaken not long ago in five different countries and which worked with 500 couples found that the average time that man takes between inserting his penis into the partner’s vagina and ejaculation is five and a half minutes.
However, this is not the gold standard that every man should achieve. An actual definition of how long sexual intercourse should last does not exist. It is upon a man and his partner to find out what works out well for them in terms of the time it takes him to ejaculate.
Table of contents
- 1 Premature ejaculation
- 2 Two types of premature ejaculation
- 3 Ways on How to Last Longer in Bed
- 3.1 Deep breathing
- 3.2 The stop and start method
- 3.3 Kegel exercises
- 3.4 Use of condoms with benzocaine
- 3.5 Use of numbing creams
- 3.6 The Squeeze technique
- 3.7 Longer foreplay
- 3.8 Quit watching adult videos
- 3.9 Learn the Kama Sutra
- 3.10 Get more confident
- 3.11 Mental Distraction
- 3.12 The 7and 9 technique to last longer in bed
- 3.13 Quit obsessing about having an orgasm
- 3.14 Communication
- 3.15 Medications
- 3.16 Leading a healthy lifestyle
- 3.17 Change Sex Positions
- 4 Other methods to last longer in bed
- 5 Getting a bigger belly
The problem associated with speedy ejaculation is referred to as premature ejaculation. It is the uncontrolled ejaculation that occurs right before or shortly after sexual penetration. Premature ejaculation happens before an individual wishes to ejaculate. It is such a big terror for men that majority of them will make it a lifetime’s work of learning how to last longer in bed.
The embarrassment of climaxing too quickly is just the tip of the iceberg. The real defeat comes in the form of the big blow to your self-confidence upon realization that your partners ends up disappointed. A sincere desire in every man is to satisfy their partner the best way they can. There are many other ways in which you can keep your partner satisfied. But all these ways cannot outweigh the emotional connection that comes about when a couple comes to orgasm at the same time.
It becomes a big problem if approximately half of the attempts at sexual intercourse terminate with premature ejaculation. The occasional episode of premature ejaculation is considered normal and shouldn’t set off the alarm bells. Overall, premature ejaculation will negatively impact the quality of sexual life leading to the feelings of shame and frustration, and the avoidance of sexual intimacy.
Premature ejaculation has no clear cause. It has been seen to occur with new partners, in instances of psychological problems such as depression, guilt and anxiety, and is common as a side effect of certain medications.
Two types of premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be categorized into two:
- Secondary premature ejaculation that occurs among people who have previously experienced normal ejaculation.
- Primary premature ejaculation which is a lifelong problem.
Premature ejaculation is the most common type of sexual dysfunction among men. It is a big problem for partners since it will result in unsatisfactory sexual experiences. The anxiety associated with premature ejaculation will exacerbate the problem.
Men will however learn how to last longer in bed with age and sexual experience. After the first few fumbling and rushed sexual encounters most men go on to enjoy a full and satisfying sex life. This means that over time, the problem will often get better on its own.
BONUS: Do you know how long she wants you to last in bed?
Ways on How to Last Longer in Bed
Deep breathing is one of meditation techniques that will certainly help you last longer in bed. Shallow and short breaths usually increase the heart rate and will trigger premature ejaculation.
Try to take deep breaths and hold them for about thirty seconds; subsequently try sustaining the deep breathing for about five minutes. You can ask for the assistance of your partner. Help each to breathe deeply during foreplay. Start by facing each other and then allow your partner to have control. Let her initiate the deep breaths by breathing in and follow her lead by breathing out immediately after. When practiced very well, deep breathing relieves the sexual tension and controls arousal effectively helping the man to last longer in bed.
The stop and start method
The process involves masturbating all alone and stopping just before getting to orgasm. It therefore starts as a solo exercise which you arouse yourself to the point of almost ejaculating. You immediately stop and then restart after relaxing for some time. Repeat the process all over again until you can hold it no more. Mastery of the technique helps you recognize the point of no return and that will help you to engage in sexual intercourse over a longer period.
The kegel exercises are not only meant for women and men with bladder/incontinence problems. The exercises of the pelvic floor can be useful for men suffering with premature ejaculation.
A study undertaken at the Sapienza University of Rome indicates that pelvic floor exercises (kegels) over a period of 12 weeks helped a group of 33 out of 40 men aged 19 to 46 to improve ejaculation time from an average of 31.7 seconds to an average of 146.2 seconds. The exercises also helped them to build up their self-confidence besides the four-fold delay in average ejaculation time.
Strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle that helps control ejaculation will help the men last longer in bed. The pubococcygeus muscle can be felt when you use it to break a steady flow of urine. It stretches from the anus to the urinary sphincter and should be exercised by clenching and releasing it repeatedly over a period of time.
Use of condoms with benzocaine
These condoms contain benzocaine, a mild anesthetic that will induce a numbing effect on the penis. It will effectively reduce sexual sensation thereby helping you last longer in bed.
These climax control condoms have had varied levels of success in extending the duration of sexual activity. The benzocaine condoms are touted to help men stay longer in bed by delaying climax by up to five minutes.
Use of numbing creams
There are a number of topical creams that can be used to delay ejaculation by numbing the penis. The creams are applied on the penis and will be washed off thereafter.
The FDA has approved the use of Promescent, a topical cream that is applied on the penis ten minutes before sex to help prevent early ejaculation. The medication helps to desensitize the penis and helps you to control sexual sensations ensuring that you stay longer in bed.
The Squeeze technique
The technique calls for the squeezing of the penis between the shaft and the glans for about 30 seconds just before ejaculation. The technique can be used to effectively stop ejaculation after some practice. It may however affect your erection which can be frustrating. The method should be repeated over several months before you begin to recognize the point of no return and hence last longer in bed.
Men are almost all the time focused on penetrative sex. It is a factor in the larger problem of not lasting longer in bed. You should instead focus on having a full experience that commences with lots of foreplay. Longer foreplay is beneficial to the couple since it will help both of you to achieve sexual satisfaction.
Foreplay will help you to relax and to minimize the anxiety and frustrations arising from coming too quickly. It is a sure way to last longer in bed owing to the fact that you slow down and enjoy the sex.
Quit watching adult videos
The anxiety associated with lasting longer in bed for a good number of men is borne out of watching pornography. Pornography has a tendency to bring about misconceptions about sexual pleasure, sexual potency and sexual virility.
For some men, pornography acts as visual stimulation and will create dependency on adult content to initiate or sustain sexual intercourse. It ends up eliminating intimacy and may bring about problems such as early ejaculation.
Imagining that your sex life can mirror pornographic scenes will be setting yourself up for absolute disappointment and for an unsatisfying love life.
Learn the Kama Sutra
Kama Sutra offers techniques that help to delay ejaculation and will therefore train you how to last longer in bed. The emphasis is placed on starting out slowly with a single in and out stoke without any other maneuvers every 3 seconds. The pace can be increased gradually over the next four to five minutes so that you remain in control. Sexual intercourse at a slower pace will always lead to a more connected experience for the couple.
Get more confident
Psychologists and sex coaches have recommended that changing your thinking to a more confident inner voice helps during sexual intercourse. Getting out your head and worry zone will help overcome performance related anxiety. According to Dr. Patti Britton, a board-certified Clinical Sexologist, getting out of the head means that feelings are then focused on your body. Once the anxious feeling sets in, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and shift your thinking to the body.
Mental distraction happens to be an age old technique. The technique involves shifting your focus from the sexual intercourse to other things that are non-erotic. People have often said that they have thought of things as mundane as football, multiplication tables among other things.
These mental distractions will help you deal with how to last longer in bed in terms of preventing early ejaculation. However, the mental distractions may reduce the enjoyment of sexual intercourse owing to the fact that you do not concentrate on your partner.
The 7and 9 technique to last longer in bed
The technique demands that you start off with seven fast in and out strokes followed by nine slow in and out strokes. The sequence is then repeated to great effect since you will last longer and your partner gets better stimulation from the established rhythm.
Quit obsessing about having an orgasm
Sex is much more than just an orgasm. Actually, sex must not culminate in orgasm for it to be good. By not seeing orgasm as the end goal, you will be in a position to slow down things a little bit.
Try to find the passion, the connection, the intimacy and the pleasure without placing too much pressure on yourself. After all, sex isn’t about the 7.3 minutes average time that men take to ejaculate. You can last longer in bed through other activities that bring about the earlier listed feelings or states.
Communication will go a long way towards enhancing the sexual experience. It is about having an open attitude to sex. How will communication help you to last longer in bed?
Through communication, your partner will know what works for you and what does not work for you. It will help to eliminate any nerves during sex and effectively delay ejaculation.
Communication also helps the two of you to focus on the quality of a sexual intercourse session rather than the quantity. Communication also impacts on the opinions that both of you hold with regards to intimacy sessions.
The problem of premature ejaculation may be chronic and may call for medical interventions. The visit to a doctor will see to it that a prescription is given. The common drugs prescribed for premature ejaculation are antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI’s).
These drugs inhibit sexual arousal making it easier for you to control ejaculation. It should be noted that the use of medication is not best way to address how to last longer in bed.
Examples of the SSRI’s are drugs such as Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft commonly given to men with premature ejaculation. The drugs are however associated with some side effects that include taking a long duration to be effective, drowsiness, dizziness, decreased libido and erectile dysfunction.
Leading a healthy lifestyle
The healthy lifestyle is comprised of actions such eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, staying away from cigarettes and alcohol, and getting a healthy amount of sleep.
All these factors are a requirement for healthy erections which are a result of healthy blood flow. A healthy lifestyle will lead to better performance and will keep blood circulation at an optimum. It is the ultimate and natural remedy to enabling you last longer in bed.
Change Sex Positions
Some sex positions are known to stimulate you in a faster manner making you reach orgasm very fast. You can try changing the sex position to a new one which will help you last longer in bed.
Alternatively, you can allow your partner to come on top of you which effectively lowers the sensitivity on the penis. Direct her to start off slowly and build up on the momentum of her movements gradually. She will be assisting you towards lasting longer in bed and also giving her a satisfying experience.
Other methods to last longer in bed
Other unorthodox methods have been used by men who want to find out how to last longer in bed:
Getting a bigger belly
A study conducted in 2010 and published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that the bigger the belly, the better the lover. The study indicated that overweight men with a protruding belly lasted longer in bed averaging 7.3 minutes whereas thinner men lasted shorter periods of about 2 minutes. The results were attributed to accumulation of belly fat which leads to high estradiol levels, a female sex hormone. The hormone inhibits orgasm and hence the ability to last longer in bed.
According to a study carried out in 2004 and published in the journal Adult Urology, men circumcised in adulthood took a significantly longer time to ejaculate. It was attributed to the lessening of the sensitivity of the penis which effectively becomes advantageous when it comes to lasting longer in bed. It is less of a complication as circumcision was previously thought to negatively impact on sex due to loss of the sensitivity.
Eating a vegetarian diet
Vegetarians have been known for their stamina and energy in bed. A study on the influence of flesh eating on endurance published in the Yale Medical Journal indicated that the vegetarians had twice the stamina of the meat eaters.
Such characteristics among vegetarians are attributed to vegan diets being high in fruit content that provides more sustainable energy as opposed to the glucose/sugar crash associated with consumption of large quantities of carbohydrates. Fruits such as bananas are rich in potassium that boosts energy and boosts production of the sex hormones.
It is said that regular masturbation is perfectly healthy and natural for people with premature ejaculation. It is said that masturbation will help you to control your orgasms and build your stamina enabling you to last longer in bed.
Masturbation will teach you to control orgasm through a process called edging. Edging is getting yourself to close to orgasm and backing down to learn your limits.
One of the benefits of this approach is that learning the edging technique can help you increase your sperm count.
Use of Viagra to last longer in bed
Viagra is referred to as the magic blue pill for the men with erectile dysfunction. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine back in 2012 showed that Viagra helped to extend the amount of time that men could last in bed. Even though the study showed that Viagra helped to delay organism and boost sexual performance, it was not associated with any of the medical ingredients of the drug.
In conclusion, as much as sex is important in a relationship, it is not the end of the world if you do not last long in bed. The fact that you have taken deliberate measures to become better at sexual intercourse means that you are normal just like many other men endeavoring to improve their sex life. Simply take it easy and focus more on pleasuring your partner rather than concentrating on your own sexual pleasure.
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