How Long Should Sex Last for a Woman to Be Satisfied?

“How long should sex last?”, asks the average man, who has certainly heard multiple stories and amazing urban legends about young stallions that plugged away for hours.

Have you heard about the guy that took that one hot girl home and gave her orgasms for three hours straight? How could it be exaggeration? Who would ever lie about that kind of thing?

Or how about the legend of Tantric sex and the idea of a man summoning the power of the gods so that he can have sex for hours, fully erect and without orgasming?

No problem, here comes porn to the rescue. Watch video evidence of porn star “Buck Naked” as he stays hard for an hour of constant friction satisfying five milfs at once. Impressive!

Why can’t I be like that? How long should I last during sex to be a real man?

Of course, all these stories of sexual encounters are cartoon-like exaggerations of what real sex is to men. No one ever watches Married…with Children and thinks it’s a documentary about 1990s American Life. Entertainment, and indeed the word of mouth we pass along about our greatest sexual experiences, are nothing compared to a real intimate experience shared between you and a lover.

By nature, the reality of our sexual encounters tend to be private, individualized to the lover you’re with, and based on the moment as well as the setting. We also have to consider that familiarity determines sexual stamina and technique, at least to some extent.

One of the first things you learn about internet porn, as you tour “behind the scenes” is that the work you see—whether described as amateur or not—is professionally edited. A team of dedicated pornographers (god bless them) turn hours and hours of awkward and less-than-perfect footage seem like 20-30 minutes of heaven.

Right away you can see the folly of trying to compare yourself to an entire studio. All that really matters when asking “how long should sex last?” should be the gentlemanly question:

How long does my lover need me to last so I can please her?

That’s the question you should be seeking to answer, since a woman’s mood not only gives you the opportunity to have sex but also determines the woman’s ability to have an orgasm at all. Studies have shown that a woman’s mood, and the thoughts she has during that session, are directly related to her ability to orgasm.

Psychology Today listed seven factors that could prevent a woman from coming, even if a man is staying hard, keeping up his rhythm and trying his damndest to make the earth shake. These factors were:

  • Self-critical thoughts or poor body image
  • Wrestling with guilt or immoral feelings
  • Dealing with mother issues
  • Fear of remembering emotional pain
  • Fear of intimacy and being vulnerable with a man
  • Recalling past instances of abuse
  • Fearing the loss of control

The first lesson is clear: don’t worry about lasting ten hours—worry about how long your girlfriend/wife wants you to last, and whether she needs clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation or both to finally reach that peak.

Now for the question everyone’s wondering…

How Long Should Sex Last Between the Average Woman and Average Man?

According to research compiled by Lloyd’s Pharmacy, the average man can stay erect for about five and a half minutes. That means that men suffering from premature ejaculation can only last about two minutes or less, in order to be significantly below average.

Right away we see an interesting development in considering how long should sex last: all men, at least statistically speaking, seem to be in a hurry. It’s not just a matter of staying hard for 20 or 30 minutes…it’s the idea that sex should be completed in 20 or 30 minutes, rather than making a whole evening out of it—with foreplay, with romance, with dialog, role play or whatever else gets your partner in the mood.

Most women desire more foreplay, as well as more penetration, and yet a man might only hear the part about more penetration. This goes along with a study by McGill University, which found that it took 11 to 12 minutes for women (and men) to reach their peak arousal point. Foreplay can’t be neglected and not only because women adore affection but also scientifically speaking, longer sessions of foreplay “stimulate hormones, neurotransmitters in the brain and blood flow.”

By spending more time on foreplay men prepare the bodies of women for greater orgasms. And of course, if you take 60 minutes of foreplay time you get credit for 60 minutes of lovemaking. Why so many men want to rush penetration is anyone’s guess.  There’s no particular advantage in rushing through the sex act just to find out “how long should I last during sex?”

One reason for this could be that porn glorifies the “quick and hard” sex fantasy. Horny men concerned with their own pleasure obviously don’t want to spend an hour thinking about storyline or romance when they just want a hot scene to satisfy their urge to ejaculate.

But sex with a woman is a far more intimate and emotionally connecting process.

How to Make Sex Last Longer

WebMD explored the idea that even outside of porn we get too many sexual myths coming from the entertainment world, such as the idea that a couple can magically and quickly fall for each other and have the best sex of their life, followed by living happily ever after.

But the truth is that we constantly learn more about our partner, as well as how long should sex last with each new session. The best sex of our lives happens when we are emotionally involved and emotionally attune to the sensual feelings of our partner. You can get a mentally arousing “rush” when you have sex with a new partner…but you won’t understand each other’s response, or desires, or sensitivities until you have time to mutually explore.

As for premature ejaculation statistics, one common figure is 20 to 30 percent of men of all ages—and that’s still at the two minutes or less mark. The majority of men may worry about “staying hard” purely for egotistical reasons and the porn-influenced culture of masculinity today.

Some patients even claim to suffer from P.E. despite the fact that they do last 20 minutes, which is above the average time for staying power. The real definition of P.E. then is to say, “I don’t last as long as I want to last.”

So here we see the bigger issue. Men want to last longer and but can’t seem to break away from their own self-chosen patterns and techniques that make staying hard more difficult.

Let’s consider four ways in how to make sex last longer by altering techniques, learning new techniques, and remembering new strategies to avoid losing control.

1.     Calm your breathing and maintain control over your body.

How long should sex last? Until you lose control of your breathing, your arousal and your penis! You determine when sex is over, whether you realize it or not. Many men still don’t understand that orgasm and ejaculation happen when they surpass a threshold of excitement, usually because of a steady rhythm as well as escalating breathing.

One of the best lines of defense from coming too soon is to concentrate on changing the energy of your body. This means focusing on slowing down your breathing and slowing the penetrative strokes. For many men, this requires stopping the rhythm altogether and then starting again after a brief recovery period. Simply put, it’s far easier to return to lovemaking after a voluntary recess than it is to get hard again after the refractory period of orgasm/ejaculation. During this time a man can please a woman through other foreplay techniques, including oral sex or caressing.

And in case you’re wondering how long should I last during sex without disappointing your partner, there’s a simple explanation…

2.     Communicate with your partner and develop a routine that gradually builds up to more intense stimulation.

Communicate with your partner and build up sexual tension

Don’t keep your erections a big mystery from your partner. No, you don’t have to have a big tearful confession about your “tragic battle with premature ejaculation”. Just say something cool like “you’re so hot, I can’t control myself…”

That way she knows that you need a little assistance with staying power, so she can help you adjust with a new position, or by varying the strokes, or by orgasming through just oral before penetration begins, and so on. Having a partner help you stay hard is obviously going to be much more productive than trying to keep your “staying power” mission a dark, dirty secret.

Changing positions can help, since ejaculation can be brought on by certain positions which constantly stress the penis head or tip. Furthermore, when you both develop a routine, try to have it escalating day by day or week by week. Start slow and let the man experience just a little bit of passion at a time. Then, work your way up to a little more. Then greater strokes and greater arousal. Try thinking of a man’s orgasm as a 10 on the Richter Scale and try to work your way up in numbers…maintain a 4 for several minutes. The next week, go for a 5 and 6. Then 7. If you get too excited, you go back a little bit before orgasm happens and start over again with slower strokes. Getting used to the pressure and consistently reaching new thresholds is the answer here.

3.     Improve your general health.

How long should sex last is sometimes a question of “how long can my body stand the stress?”  If you have a poor diet and don’t exercise regularly, you may be taxing your body and impeding natural blood flow. Erectile dysfunction, including the inability to hold an erection, or weak erections, can be a sign of developing heart disease. Besides, practically every man reports massive improvements in sex after eating healthier foods and getting his blood pumping with intensive exercise. You FEEL the difference!

4.     Masturbate in advance…and just masturbate more in general.

You could say that masturbation is the cause of and solution to all P.E. problem. Sure, boys learn to masturbate quickly when they’re young and that screws up their natural staying power. However, by focusing on longer masturbation sessions as an adult, and learning your body’s response time, you can better determine your personal threshold for excitement. You can learn how many strokes you can handle in five minute intervals. You can even learn when to change positions, using a sex toy sleeve and simulating real sex. Though your partner can also help you develop a routine to work through P.E., don’t underestimate the value of learning how to masturbate for a hour’s time and keeping your erection strong without ejaculation. Even masturbating and ejaculating an hour or two before intercourse with your partner can help to increase your staying power and partially desensitize you to the excitement.

Remember that premature ejaculation, whether clinical or your own personal worry, is a stressful experience—one that upsets you and your partner. Sex should be a positive time in your relationship and orgasmic potential depends on your ability to relax and to also help your partner to relax. Stop thinking about how long should sex last as a goal-oriented conquest and start communicating, experimenting and renewing the joy of foreplay without the need to prove something.

Real manhood is about working hard to please your partner…not staying hard for porn stars you will probably never meet in real life. Once you worry about performance anxiety, you start a vicious cycle that ends up compromising your erections and your ability to focus on pleasing a partner.

You do have the ability to remain hard, to be a great lover, and to challenge yourself to last longer. All it takes is a better understanding of your body and the best way to use your sexual arsenal—indeed, all those other organs besides just the penis!

If you liked this article you might also want to read this Premature Ejaculation Guide article.

Sources

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-experience/201404/7-factors-affecting-orgasm-in-women https://onlinedoctor.lloydspharmacy.com/everyman/how-to-last-longer-in-bed/ http://www.webmd.boots.com/men/features/sexual-foreplay-whats-for-men http://www.webmd.com/men/features/sex-fact-fiction#1

Mark Meyers

Mark is founder and sexcoach at Sexual Improvements. "Anyone can have an awesome sexlife with the right information!"

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