June 23, 2016

The Ultimate Guide to Having Amazing Anal Sex (and the 6 Best Positions to Do It In)

woman enjoying anal sex

Anal sex is both intriguing for men and can be a bit scary for a woman who hasn’t done it before. Especially for someone who’s had a bad experience, it can be even more nerve wracking.

Your woman might be asking herself:

“What will it feel like?”

“Will I enjoy it?”

“Will it hurt?”

“Will it be messy?”

“What position should we use?”

“Does it work the same way it does on porn videos?”

Luckily, many, many other people have gone this route before, and we can use what they learned to make the experience better for all of us.

At first I thought girls didn’t like anal or they thought that it was dirty (just like how I thought girls didn’t like regular sex before *sigh*!). But then I met one girl who was super open and into it. The lesson is that it all depends on the girl and TALKING ABOUT IT.

In this article you’ll learn what women REALLY think about anal sex, how to get a woman into the mood for anal, what to be careful about, the importance of communication (hint: it’s huge), and the best sexual positions for anal sex.

Do Women Really Like Anal Sex?

This is one of the first questions that pops up when it comes to anal sex.

The answer is as varied as women are: Some women love it, some hate it. Some hate even the IDEA of it. Some feel that it’s the only kind of sex they enjoy.

The only way to find out if your woman likes it, or would be interested in trying it, is to ask.

When it comes to the biology of it, the anus is a very sensitive piece of anatomy. There are thousands of nerve endings in the outer ring of the anus. These can be stimulated with just a finger or a tongue and be immensely enjoyable. Bonus: Stimulation of the anal nerve endings seems to enhance clitoral stimulation for many women. The rectum shares a wall with the vagina, meaning that at the right angle, the nerve endings in the vagina are also being stimulated when you have anal sex.

For many women anal sex is enjoyable because it feels a bit, well, naughty. The psychological excitement of doing something unusual and perhaps taboo adds to the pleasure of the experience. You could go even further with this by upping the dirty talk you do in bed.

best anal sex tips and positions

Anal sex is also an incredibly intimate experience. The girl is very vulnerable and there’s a HUGE amount of trust involved. The potential for pain is high, and your woman needs to know that you aren’t going to try to rush the experience.

For many couples, the intimacy of the experience brings them closer together than vaginal sex.

For some women, the act of being penetrated anally, particularly in a doggy style position, makes them feel very vulnerable. This is enhanced by the sensation of “being full” that anal sex gives many women – that your penis is taking up a huge amount of room in her body. Some women find this overwhelming, and not in a good way, while other women feel this is the best part of the experience.

It’s all down to her, and is why communication is so important.

For other women, anal sex is painful, or it feels degrading. Or, maybe they just aren’t interested.

Every woman is different, and their sexual desires and interest in trying different things will be different too.

On the hole, though (yes, that typo was on purpose), anal sex can be a pleasurable experience for you and your partner if you take your time, have a healthy respect for each other, and keep the lines of communication open. Just don’t rush things and keep things open.

How to Get a Woman in the Mood to Have Anal Sex

getting a woman in the mood for anal sex

The first rule of anal is: take your time.

The second rule of anal is: see the first rule.

Seriously: a slow buildup of sensation, and a gradual introduction to anal play are the way to go.

Here are some steps you can take to get her going. Note: Make sure to have lots of water-based lube on hand – her vagina is self-lubricating, but her anus isn’t.

While foreplay is important in general for sex, when it comes to anal, it’s KEY to getting her in the mood, relaxed, and excited: Massage her body and her ass. Play with her anus. Tickle her ass, rub her anus, explore with your fingers and tongue. Play with her clitoris too – just not with the same hand. Get her SUPER horny.

Get her used to the sensation of having something in her anus by using a finger (again, with lots of lube). Keep it slow and sensuous, and pay attention to her reactions. If something makes her wiggle in delight, keep at it. If it makes her tense up, back off and try something else. Bring her to orgasm by stimulating her clitoris while fingering her anus.

Add more fingers as she gets more comfortable (still with the lube), and once she’s more comfortable with being penetrated, try something like a butt plug with a flared base. This will help with stretching and also get her used to the sensation.

A vibrator pressed against her anus or gently inserted into her anus (again, with a flared base – you don’t want it to get sucked in) will feel amazing too.

You could also try using a vibrator in her vagina while exploring her anus with your fingers – figure out what feels best for her.

Don’t move on to penetrating her with your penis until you’re sure she’s relaxed and ready for you.

The last thing to remember is to talk to her. Let her know what you’re doing, as depending on the position, she may not be able to see. Surprises and anuses don’t mix well. Anal sex is already a very dominant thing (and sex in general from a masculine man to a feminine woman should be), but this isn’t a place to rush things.

7 Safety Tips for Having Great Anal Sex

Anal sex is obviously different from vaginal and oral sex. While sex can get dirty and fun, now that her ass is involved, keeping clean is ESSENTIAL. There’s a lot of harmful bacteria in the rectum, and neither of you wants an infection.

So here’s how to keep your sex safe and clean:

  • Timing. Pick a time when she had a bowel movement about 30-60 minutes ago: neither of you want to end up with a shitty situation on your hands. In fact, it’s one of the reasons women are leery about trying anal sex in the first place. Some people use enema’s, but these have the potential to irritate the lining of the anus, which is not a good idea just before anal sex.
  • Clean up ahead of time. Have a shower before with her that involves lots of soap and hands.
  • Use lots and lots (and lots) of water-based lube. Again, the anus is not self-lubricating like her vagina. You need to be VERY liberal with the amount of lube you use.
  • Never touch her vagina or anywhere near her vagina with something that has been in her anus. This can easily lead to an infection and a 100% halt in never having anal sex again.
  • Use a condom – Although there’s no risk of pregnancy here, the smoothness of the condom will work well with the large amounts of lube you’re using, and will protect you from both bacteria and STIs.
  • Trim your fingernails. This should go without saying, but the skin of her anus is very thin, and a sharp edge on your fingernail might do some damage to her.
  • Put a towel down underneath you. Even if there aren’t any surprises, the lube can a huge mess. Using a towel makes clean up easier.

safe and clean anal sex

The #1 Tool You Need to Have Anal Sex: Good Communication

As you saw at the beginning of all of this, you have to TALK to your girl and tell her what’s going on. Just starting to ram her without permission or saying anything during vaginal sex is hot, but doing the same with anal sex can result in pain, tearing, and you never having anal sex again with her.

Before, during, and after anal sex, make sure you and your partner are talking about expectations, likes and dislikes, and what you’re doing.

Before you do anything, talk about it. You need to know what your girl thinks about it, whether she’s tried it before, and if she has, how it went. You need to know what she’s excited about, and what she’s worried about.

Women are emotional creatures and sex for women is 95% mental. If she has fears that hold her back, she might tense up, not enjoy herself, and will feel like she can’t let go. Addressing potential fears and issues in her head beforehand will make her more relaxed and to really give herself to you.

While you’re engaged in foreplay, you need to know what she’s enjoying and what she isn’t. If she can’t see exactly what you’re doing, you need to tell her. Some communication is verbal, but you’ll also learn a lot by being able to see her. This is why the positions where you can see each other’s faces are good ones for beginners.

When you move on to penetration, speaking is key. Anal sex makes a lot of women feel very vulnerable and you may need to reassure her. Tell her how you’re feeling as well. Tell her how amazing her ass looks, or how incredibly close to her this experience is making you feel. You are dominating her and she likes that, but she also needs emotional reassurance.

Now that the base is set, we can talk about the best positions to have anal sex:

The 6 Most Stimulating Anal Sex Positions

Choosing the right position for anal sex can make a huge difference in how it feels to both you and your girl. If this is her first time trying anal, you’ll want one where she has more control over penetration. If she’s more comfortable, you can go for a position that is likely your favorite – doggy style.

Here are the positions you should try for anal:

  1. Spooning is a leisurely, slow-paced way to have anal sex. Your hands are free to wander, leading to more stimulation of her clit or breasts. This is an excellent position for her first time. Get her to lift her upper leg to give you a better view. She can easily use a vibrator in this position to up her pleasure. The downside is that you can’t see each other’s faces to judge reactions, but since it’s so slow and leisurely, you’ll have lots of time to talk.
  1. Cowgirl will let your partner control both the depth and the speed of penetration. She’ll also be able to see you and kiss you. And you can have easy access to her clitoris to increase her enjoyment and as well, I don’t know about you, but seeing a girl ride me is super hot and I love the show ;).
  1. Reverse Cowgirl is another great position because she still has control, but you get a view of her ass as she’s riding you.
  1. Missionary might sound boring, but put some cushions under her hips for a better angle, and move her legs over your shoulders and this position will make her feel even more full. You’ll also be able to see each other and gauge when to go faster and when to pull back. This is an intimate and sensual position that can be made even more fun with handcuffs, ties, etc.
  1. Having her lie on her stomach with a pillow underneath her is an enjoyable position for both her and you. She can reach her clit with either her fingers or a vibrator, you have a great view of her ass, and it doesn’t require a lot of acrobatics from either of you.
  1. Doggy style is, hands down, the most fun for the guy, and with a little effort, for the girl as well. You’re in control of speed and depth, and the view is awesome. Your partner has very little control though, which may make her feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, she can relax and enjoy without having to worry about balancing or staying in position. This position means your penis will be rubbing against the wall between her rectum and vagina, making for some explosive orgasms. Her clitoris and breasts will be within reach of your hands for some extra stimulation. This is also the perfect position for double penetration – a vibrator in her vagina will make the experience amazing for both of you.

Final Thoughts on Anal Sex

Anal sex is as pleasurable as you think it will be, if you take the time to do it right.

Take it slow, gauge her reactions, and let her know what yours are.

Talk to each other, before, during, and after. It’s important to know what she’s feeling, what she’s liking, and what she isn’t. And it’s important for her to know how you feel about it too.

Make sure to be safe, be clean, and use far more lube than you think you need.

Don’t be afraid to mix it up and try out different positions. If you’re taking it slow and communicating with each other, then it’s easy to switch to a different position if the first one you try isn’t working out.

Once you’ve finished, both of you should hop in the shower and get cleaned off.

By taking your time with her, she’ll appreciate you even more, and be more likely to give it a go again…

And probably be extra giving next time with the blowjob ;).

Mark Meyers

Mark is founder and sexcoach at Sexual Improvements. "Anyone can have an awesome sexlife with the right information!"

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