6 Ways to Stop from “Coming Too Soon” And Delay Premature Ejaculation

Have you been “striking out” lately when you come up to bat and want to delay premature ejaculation? Maybe you’ve got your head game down, you love foreplay, and you can go all night kissing and caressing. But at some point she’s going to want the D, so to speak. And remember since women want the emotional and personal experience, a sex toy isn’t going to do.

Problem…as soon as you penetrate her, you’re ready to blow. It’s like you’re racing against the clock and it seems you’re always just a few strokes away from losing it and embarrassing yourself.

Is this normal?

The Problem With Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation affects an estimated 30 percent of all men at some point in their lives. An NHSLS survey by Laumann actually confirmed this 30 percent figure, even among men as young as 18-29 and as old as 50-59. Frankly, we tend to believe the actual percentage is higher, given that many men would never admit that they finish before their partner actually wants them to finish.

Men don’t want to appear as weak. Some men are so proud they might not even want to admit that there’s a problem. Some guys would rather brag about being a self-centered jerk rather than admit they need help with staying power.

That’s why it takes a lot of character to admit that you need help, even if it’s just to an Internet magazine, if not a therapist. You acknowledging that you need some advice, and then following through on some lasting longer tips designed to help you, is the logical way to address the problem.

First off, remember that you’re not trying to stay hard for a porn shoot or to try out in the Guinness Book of World Records. You’re not competing against other men! You’re just trying to stay hard for your woman and last long enough to satisfy her. Keep in mind that many women cannot orgasm vaginally without clitoral stimulation. Therefore, even if you wanted to make her come by sheer penetration power(!) you could NOT. She will more than likely get off by touching herself, or using a toy while you penetrate her.

That means that you don’t have to last hours and hours. Maybe just twenty minutes, or maybe sixty minutes, if she enjoys the feeling of deep penetration. Your concern now is to control the rhythm and be aware of your pleasure and passion so that you can always stop before the point of no return.

Let’s break the advice on staying hard longer down to 6 simple points.

1. Determine if PE exists because of lifelong learning or acquired habit.

The first thing a doctor would ask is whether you’ve always had a problem with PE, suggesting that it’s something you learned years ago and must be rectified psychologically, or if it’s a temporary condition that could be resolved by reducing stress or changing lifestyle.

For the latter, this might require talking more with your partner and arranging to improve communication. Simply making more time for relaxation and intimate conversation before making love will help in PE related to performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is a frequent cause of recently acquired PE and so learning to enjoy sex without the goal of orgasm, and the pressure to make your partner come fantastically each and every time, is very helpful.

In some cases a lifestyle change might be a good idea, especially if a man is in poor health and his PE is in addition to erectile dysfunction, weak erections and weak quality orgasms. Regular exercise and a better diet will always show improvement sexually since sexual arousal and orgasm is always directly linked with heart health and strong blood flow.

In the case of lifelong PE, teaching the sufferer new techniques and new approaches would be more helpful, since the physical release is so closely tied in with emotional/mental thinking patterns. Knowing the “why” is just as important as applying the technique.

2. Practice the “Start and Stop” technique and learn your body to delay premature ejaculation.

The most effective treatment for PE is to simply learn how to better control your body and mind so that you can identify your point of no return (when orgasm and ejaculation is uncontrollable) and then STOP before you reach that point. The start and stop technique, explained by Sex Health Matters, is a form of reeducating a man on how to respond to sexual stimulation.

This means you must practice (preferably alone and then later with your partner) so that you can learn at what level you must maintain to stop from approaching the orgasmic phase. If this level is a 7 then stop before you get to 8 or 9, 10 being ejaculation. As you improve in endurance, you can stop at 8 or 9 and learn how to “edge” right before 10, and then come back down.

Stopping requires ceasing all stimulation, at least in the beginning and doing something else. Gradually, you try light foreplay or light masturbation when come down after edging. You are stimulated but still maintain a controllable level around a 7 or 8. You increase stimulation again until you get to a 9.

The key is to take it slow and gradually challenge yourself to edge longer. Once you find your point of no return, you will easily be able to avoid ejaculating and concentrate on some other type of foreplay. What you’re doing is teaching your body and mind to become accustomed to higher states of arousal. If you suffer from PE now it’s because you can’t tolerate these high levels of excitement and need to come as soon as possible. Learning to live with higher states of arousal lets you gain control over your body.

Eventually your partner can help you too, going from handjob to blowjob, and lastly to intercourse, always helping you maintain control. A sex toy can also be helpful as a couple or as an individual, in learning better control.

3. Learn to gain control over your whole body by doing Kegel exercises.

You may sometimes hear of Kegel exercises as a means of delaying ejaculation. This isn’t a magic trick…and no, pelvic squeezes aren’t going to stop you from ejaculating if you go beyond the point of no return. But they WILL help you to gain better control over your body and gradually find ways to release pelvic tension.

In theory, one reason premature ejaculation occurs is because you’re so tense throughout your body. The more you flex your muscles, the more tension you feel and can’t get rid of. That makes you come faster, along with the shallow breathing that accompanies high tension.

Learning Kegel exercises helps you to strengthen your pelvic muscles. Strengthen these PC muscles by flexing hard in the base of your penis, as if you’re preventing the flow of urine. You can even keep squeezing until you feel it all the way to your anus and tailbone. This is one “rep” and you can start slow, by doing a few at a time, and then eventually several flexes in a row, and then repeating throughout the day.

According to Ask Men, pelvic squeezes help fight urinary incontinence, improve the quality of orgasm, and contribute to better prostate health. But the reason they’re recommended for PE is that you feel ejaculation is near imminent, you can contract the muscles and reduce sexual arousal and inhibit ejaculation. Additionally, building up your pelvic muscles also helps you become more aware of your ejaculatory sensory experience, meaning you are more aware of what will push you over the edge and what you can endure.

Additionally, exercising and stretching (or even yoga-exercising) can help to further decrease tension in your pelvic regions throughout the day. All the while you decrease tension, increase your body awareness to the subtle feelings of touch. In the long term this will help you gain mastery over your body so that you can quickly react to all stimuli.

4. Learn the art of changing the rhythm of the stroke.

All that intercourse is, literally speaking, is a certain rhythm of stroking, either a man to a woman or a woman riding a man. A man thrusting into a woman is momentarily exciting, but what gets both of them off is the repetition of the strokes, as well as familiarity in the stroking pattern.

Mastering power over your body will allow you to sense when you are weakening in staying power and then taking decisive action to change the rhythm to your advantage. One common mistake men make is assuming that flexing their PC muscles at the point of no return will allow them to resist ejaculating. No, that won’t stop the stroking rhythm. Only stopping (as explained above) the rhythm OR changing the rhythm will prevent orgasm.

As you gain more experience in masturbating for a long period of time and making love to your partner for a longer session, you will learn that you can vary your strokes to give yourself extra power and more time. For example, you may notice that small and “shallow” strokes (penetrating just the first two inches of the vagina) are easier for you to handle than deep and faster strokes inside.

When you recognize your orgasm is coming soon, pull out and then either stop and focus on other foreplay or change positions and go for a smaller level of arousal. Enter her again when you’re ready. Your body may respond better to slower strokes, or perhaps a position like rear-entry (doggy style), sideways or another position. When she has already orgasmed and is satisfied you can then finish with a position that is more challenging and come when she wants you to come.

5. Practice deeper breathing during sex.

In addition to mastering physical power over your body, altering your breathing is very important in delaying ejaculation. Breathe your nose so that you experience deeper and more relaxing diaphragm breathing. Breathe in for five seconds, hold your breath for five seconds and then exhale slowly for five seconds. Your belly should rise instead of your chest, as you take in more oxygen and release more tension.

Too many guys weaken their ability to delay premature ejaculation because they take shallow breaths, or in some cases hold their breath while they have sex. This makes it even more difficult to stay hard and to avoid ejaculation. Learn to breathe deeply while you practice the start and stop technique, so that you give yourself more endurance and release unnecessary tension that contributes to the problem.

You can even practice deep breathing in combination with Kegel exercises, which is great for dividing your concentration from over-stimulating imagery. Breathe in deeply while flexing your PC muscles and then release the flex while you exhale.

6. Learn “squeeze” techniques for a last resort.

If you’re still having a hard time resisting the point of no return there are two places on the body you can squeeze or press to give you a “cheat” and resist coming too soon. First, the Masters and Johnson squeeze, which as Sexual Health Matters explains, is when a man or his partner stops ejaculation by squeezing the tip or base of the penis for several seconds—strong enough so that the fingers squeeze the urethral tube, which provides a route for the ejaculate.

Sex stops for about 30 seconds and then resumes. While a man can do this, it may not always work, especially if he waits too long to squeeze. This is why it’s encouraged that his partner learn the squeeze technique so she can stop ejaculation even if he is unable to do so. The “press” technique requires pressing on the area in between the man’s anus and scrotum. This soft and sensitive spot is another location where the inner urethra can be indirectly pressed from the outside.

For both of these techniques, remember not to wait too long (because if you wait until ejaculation is already occurring you cannot stop it!) and to press firmly but not so hard that it hurts.

These six techniques will help train your body to become adjusted to high stimulation and respond in a way that delays premature ejaculation. Gaining control over yourself, your mind, your penis, your breathing, and your entire body (full of erogenous zones) is the best way to naturally tackle the complex issue of premature ejaculation.

And you CAN do it, even without prescription pills or without making an appointment with a doctor. All it takes is a commitment to learning these techniques and the desire to give your partner the sex life she deserves.