How to Cure PE and Regain Control of Your Sex Life

Sure, it’s easy to talk about ways to conquer premature ejaculation.  You may even have a great strategy in mind on how to cure P.E., like thinking unsexy thoughts or imagining your ugliest cousin naked or something.

But when it comes time to perform, there’s nothing quite like the ruthless and overpowering grip of a vagina.  Once you’re inside it’s a losing battle, like beat the clock!  You’ve tried everything, but so far you can’t seem to last more than a minute or two.

Let’s face it…if your idea of trying to fix P.E. is to stroke once and then wait five minutes until you calm down, you’re not getting anywhere.  You may be ready to consider drastic action.

Before you down prescription meds, let’s take some time to discuss the most effective solutions from sex therapists and educators.  A slight adjustment in strategy may be all you need to learn how to stop P.E.

Let’s start by considering the most common suggestions, and whether they work, and then proceed onto the more drastic solutions, including prescription drugs that supposedly reduced the body’s sensitivity.

How to Cure PE – the Old Fashioned Way

A common solution for P.E. is to think unsexy thoughts while stroking.  This technique usually doesn’t work by itself, because your penis is responding to friction, not mental images alone.  Still, this old fashion piece of advice has some value.  If you’re over-stimulated with erotic images and sounds, you’re more likely to “pop” in record time.  This is why sex therapists might tell a person who is trying to cure P.E. through practice not to masturbate to images of over-the-top porn, but to instead concentrate just on the sensations in his body.

Similarly, during lovemaking with a partner a sex therapist might recommend choosing a different position and stroking pattern, one that you’re comfortable with.

Web MD states that using a condom may reduce sensation, or trying a different position might prove more comfortable and less stimulating than others that cause fast P.E.  The main idea is to pay closer attention to your body so that you can identify and control sensations that precede ejaculation.  Something outside of your usual routine may help tremendously.

Over at Men’s Fitness, the publication quoted Dr. Larry Gassner, MD, who said that simply having more sex and practicing on a regular basis is one way to gradually improve.  “Performance anxiety is by far the most usual case…and it can usually be addressed by increasing the partners’ familiar and comfort with each other.

Another common suggestion is to masturbate before having sex with a partner, though it should be mentioned that this is usually a young man’s defense, since older men may need longer refractory periods to recover another erection.  If you blow your load once, you might not be able to go again in just another 20 minutes, so be sure you plan this one by well in advance if you try it.

Mastering the Rhythm and Blues

Sexual intercourse is all about rhythm – the combination of strokes that it takes to bring both partners to sexual climax.  (Though it should be repeated at least briefly, many women cannot orgasm vaginally without clitoral stimulation.  So never neglect the effectiveness of longer foreplay)  Learning your rhythm and your partners rhythm, and working to get them both in sync, can help prevent P.E.  Over at EndlessMan.com, trainer Bobby Chase states, “ejaculating and not ejaculating is like a muscle…we can train it so we can be stronger and stop the urge to ejaculate.”

In essence, learning how to stop P.E. means retraining our sensitivity to touch.  One recommendation is to deliberately alter the rhythm of your thrusts rather than just thrusting according to what you feel, or trying “not to thrust.”

Instead, change up the rhythm to a specific number formula; for example nine shallow strokes, but then one deep stroke.  Then, go back to shallow stroking and repeat.  This is a way of experimenting with friction so that you can gain control over your body.  Sometimes reducing friction on one part of your penis and stimulating another, like the head, or shaft or base, can delay sudden ejaculation.

If you were to visit a sex therapist, he or she would probably recommend the start-stop technique in addition to rhythm variations.  As the name indicates, this involves starting sexual stimulation (with both masturbation and intercourse with a partner) and then reaching a certain point of pleasure, before ejaculation, and then stopping.  When the man can find this precise timing of pre-ejaculation he can stop the rhythm that pushes him over the edge and take a break.

During this “stop” period he may engage in foreplay, and focus on the women’s pleasure without vaginal penetration.  Ideally, the process is repeated for fifteen minutes or more, so that the man can learn how to stop “orgasmic inevitability” from happening, and thus regain control over his orgasm.  As he becomes more experienced, he may practice with different levels of pressure, or different sexual positions, or even change muscle tension.

One way to identify this “point of no return” is to assign a number for the way you feel at the height of your sexual excitement before orgasm happens.  If that number is a “9”, with 10 being orgasm that you can’t stop, then you would do well to stop at around 8 or even 7 in the beginning.  You stop at a lower intensity level and then start again so that you maintain that level 7 as long as possible.  As you become more experienced and have greater control over your orgasm, you can come closer to an 8 and 9.

While the idea of talking this over with a partner may be embarrassing, it’s actually the most effective way to prevent accidental P.E. from occurring.  A woman that knows about the problem can help you, by avoiding certain actions, or by communicating with you as to when you need to stop.  She can even take over the start-stop technique and ask you to tell her when you reach a 7 or 8, so she can stop or change the friction.  Remember that after learning how to “stop” for a time, you can begin learning how to merely slow down with this technique.  It’s a progressive cycle of learning sexual response and then responding to it.

How to Cure Premature Ejaculation by Using Tantric Practices

Two practices that Tantric sex practically introduced to the world (and thank you for that, Siva and Sakti!) are Deep Breathing and Kegel exercises.  Tantra’s discipline begins with changing the way you breathe—going deeper and fuller.  Whereas most people don’t consciously think about breathing, and take shallow breaths through their mouth, deep breathing involves inhaling deeply (usually through your nose; diaphragm breathing) for a few seconds and then exhaling deeply for the same number of seconds.

Dr. Christopher Asandra, M.D. explained that taking deep breaths calms the sympathetic nervous system and oxygenates the blood, which results in reducing stress and releasing endorphins.

What many men don’t realize is that they can learn to delay orgasm by controlling their breathing.  When a man approaches orgasm, tension appears in his body and he begins breathing fast, shallow breaths.  Reducing tension, relaxing, and deliberately slowing down your breathing may delay orgasm for several minutes.  Relaxing more and breathing deeper actually makes it harder for you to orgasm and ejaculate because of the lack of tension.

One of Tantric sex’s lessons is to deemphasize the need for intercourse and orgasm and instead focus entirely on the sensual aspect of lovemaking; touching, caressing, kissing and massaging.  Tantric teachers will often assigner new students to stop having intercourse and orgasms for a brief period of time, and spend their entire session simply exploring each other’s body.  Eliminating penetration and orgasm as the “goal” is a very effective way to become a better lover overall, and stop relying solely on staying power to please a woman.

Besides, unlocking all of your erogenous zones (not just her but him) gives you the potential to have a full body orgasm, a more intense experience than just fast and rough penetration alone can provide.

Meditation, a staple of Tantra, encourages its practitioners to use meditation as a way to relax, focus on the spiritual, and release anxiety about performance.  While Tantra might suggest meditating on Hindu / Tantra religious symbols, you and your partner are free to meditate on anything that relaxes you.  Some people might prefer a peaceful and serene setting, like a beach.  Others might like the more surreal technique of imagining your body is made of sand and you’re gradually letting the sand out so you can feel completely weightless and free.  Some people might enjoy thinking of nothingness…only feeling and experiencing the moment, free of all anxieties.

Tantra encourages partners to “eye gaze” at each other, which involves staring into each other’s eyes for moments on end until you enter a sort of meditative trance.  The idea is to distract yourself from the world and all peripherals around you and bond emotionally and spiritually with your partner.

You can also bring these meditational exercises into sex and penetration, thereby reducing strong sexual imagery that creates tension, and replacing these images with more peaceful and sensual thoughts.  In other words, meditation is all about pausing from the stress of life and letting your mind drift into a beautifully inactive state.

How to Cure Premature Ejaculation with Kegel Exercises

Kegels refers to another practice pioneered by Tantra (the entirety of which are called lingham massage) and it involves learning to build your PC muscles through Kegel squeezes.  These are the same pelvic floor muscles used during ejaculation and you can actually feel the “flex” when you stop yourself from peeing, or when you try really hard to hold back your ejaculation.  These squeezes, or contractions, are held for about ten seconds per rep at first, and then eventually are done in a repetition of ten reps.

Not only should you practice flexing your PC muscles during masturbation and during penetration with a partner, but you can also practice throughout the day at any time, since flexing the muscle doesn’t require an erection.  After practicing for length of time you will notice greater control over when you ejaculation, and may be able to hold off orgasm until you “let go” of the sensation.

Sometimes Kegel exercises are combined with deep breathing in order to create a series of relaxing moves that reduces the stress of sexual friction.  For example:

• Breathe in deeply and suck in your stomach
• At the same time, flex your Kegel muscles
• Breathe out through your mouth deeply while letting go of the PC squeeze and your stomach
• You can also raise and lower your pelvis to coincide with the movement

This breathing and movement pattern distracts you from sexual stress, shallow breaths, and friction that causes the loss of control.

Reuters covered a study that showed Kegel exercises for PE proved more effective than other treatments, including topical creams, antidepressants and even behavior therapy.  Forty men suffering from P.E. were trained to exercise their pelvic floor muscles for three months.  Eighty two percent of the subjects reported improvement and finally increased their stamina from 32 seconds to over two minutes.

How to Stop Premature Ejaculation with the Help of Drugs

Seeking a solution that changes the sensitivity in your body may be a last resort, especially if you’ve tried these other techniques without success.  The easiest medicinal solution is to use a condom that contains internal benzocaine, which is a numbing agent that removes all sensation from the penis for several minutes.

The Mayo Clinic states that if you’re ready to try prescription drugs for P.E., always with a doctor’s permission of course, the most effective kinds are lidocaine prilocaine cream (EMLA) or SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) which reduce sensitivity and delay orgasm, including Lexapro, Zoloft and Paxil.  It may take up to two weeks of regular medication to see a difference.

Lastly, Phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors, popularly known as E.D. drugs (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) can help by improving blood flow.  While Viagra and other drugs do not give you staying power necessarily, they do give you a shorter refractory period.  They may also be prescribed along with SSRIs for delayed orgasm.

There are always solutions for how to cure P.E.  What’s most important is open communication with your partner and a willingness to try new methods, rather than sticking to the same routines which have failed.  Don’t be ashamed to get help…it’s the best way to cure premature ejaculation for the long-term.