Causes of Premature Ejaculation Both Mental and Physical

Worst cause of premature ejaculation

The causes of premature ejaculation are fairly complex and require understanding not only the physical nature of man but also the psychology of men.

Years ago, the very idea of a man not lasting long enough during sex may have been confusing to doctors.  Men were expected to perform just long enough to orgasm and do their husbandly duty, while the pleasure of a woman was considered obscene.  (Strange but true…oral sex is still illegal in several U.S. states!)

As a male-dominated society overcame their fears, western culture soon learned that men also had the obligation to please a woman, if not for love, then out of a healthy fear of male competition.  You know, the idea that if you can’t please your partner, she’ll be tempted elsewhere by a superior lover!

Now it’s quite possible because of the popularity of porn and erotica novels that we’ve gone too far to the other extreme.  Men are now worried about how long they last, thinking that they should stay hard for an hour or more, even when vigorously thrusting, in order to compete with those porn stars who seem to have no “off button” on their massive power tools.

Therein lies the confusing aspect of learning how to treat premature ejaculation—there actually is no “standard time” for how long a man is supposed to last.  The Kinsey Report of 1948 (Kinsey, Alfred (1948), Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders Co) suggested that three quarters of all men ejaculated within two minutes of entering the vagina fully erect in over half of their encounters.

Even Kinsey-era scholars knew enough about sexuality to observe that there was no “standard” among men, since the time between “penetration and ejaculation varies not only from man to man, but from one time to the next for the same man.”

From there, sex therapists arbitrarily excited that premature ejaculation must be referring to a man that comes too soon, perhaps as quickly as thirty seconds to a minute after penetration.

The Good News Is…

Since the 1940s, men have collectively increased their staying power, and according to a 2008 North American sex therapy survey, men’s “average time” has reached seven minutes.

Looks like all that porn-star worshiping at least had some positive effect!

Of course the bigger issue here is that a man’s staying power in terms of time is irrelevant compared to more important issues like, how much time does the woman need to have an orgasm or a series of orgasms?

According to the same survey, men who lasted seven to thirteen minutes went above the standard and this was considered a “desirable length”.

Obviously…from a woman’s perspective she would find it easier to orgasm when a man can stay at full length for several minutes, keeping a steady pace of strokes.  And yes, this is where we discover that a lot of men actually have a problem with P.E., because they can’t last as long as they want to!

Naturally, the first question guys might have is…“Why can’t I last as long as the guys in porn or in erotica?”

It deserves mentioning that if most men feel bad about not lasting fifteen, twenty or even sixty minutes with a woman, they may have unrealistic expectations.  Men in porn, obviously, get a little help from movie directors, creative editing, multiple takes and even, ahem, “fluffers” off camera who help them get hard on demand after a long break.  The men we read about in erotica novels are just about as realistic as Superman on Viagra.

A man living in the real world only needs to ask the question, how long do I need to last to make my partner happy?  And, what can I do if I keep from coming too soon after penetration?

It might not be completely accurate to say there are both physical causes and psychological causes, since physical and mental processes intertwine.  It’s better to say that men may suffer from P.E. because of learned behavior, relationship problems, or medical and health issues.

Causes of Premature Ejaculation Both Mental and Physical

Every man suffers from “coming too soon” on occasion…come on, if your partner is wearing sexy lingerie and you’re role playing “housewife and burglar”, then yeah, you’re not going to last too long.  And guess what?  A lot of women actually enjoy it when they can make a man lose control and surrender to passion.

This is why most doctors and therapists only consider premature ejaculation a serious issue if a man comes within two minutes after penetration—significantly lower than the national average.

The most common causes, according to the Mayo Clinic, are often a combination of psychological and biological factors, including erectile dysfunction caused by poor health, stress and performance anxiety (worrying so much about staying hard, you freak out and can’t stay hard!), relationship problems, and inflammation or infection of the prostate or urethra.

According to the latest information, even abnormal hormone levels and abnormal brain activity is being linked to problems with premature ejaculation.

Psychology Today added additional factors like thyroid problems, nerve damage from surgery or physical trauma, or even inherited traits.  How’s that for a disturbing visual?  Your father may have had the same problem with mom because it’s just in your genes!  (Yikes…TMI there, dad.)

Speaking of keeping it in your “jeans” there are several psychological factors that are so powerful they may actually feel biological in nature.

Tip: you might also like this article about the common symptoms of premature ejaculation.

How to Treat Premature Ejaculation…by Going Back in Time!

Psychological causes of premature ejaculation are usually classified as “lifelong habit vs. acquired habit”, since men tend to pick up ejaculation habits as a teenager.

When it comes to learned experience, most young men are at a natural disadvantage.  They don’t train themselves to make love.  They fantasize and masturbate, or they make out with their girlfriend in a car, quickly, so as not to get caught.

These circumstances can cause a man to develop short stamina, since he’s been learning “how to ejaculate” since puberty.  In treating this cause of P.E. a man has to “go back in time” as it were and re-learn how to masturbate, and how to make love, while un-learning all the habits he’s programmed for himself since the very beginning of his sex life.

In addition to learned habit, some men are more likely to come too quickly because they feel ambivalent about sex in general.  According to Web MD, anxiety about performance, childhood trauma, or even religious guilt or cultural avoidance of sexuality can contribute to the problem.

If boys are trained to masturbate in secret and feel shamed afterwards, or if they are taught to avoid sex before marriage, it could be negative influence that will cause them to have ambivalent or even anxious feelings about their own sexuality.

Boys typically learn to have better sex after they lose their virginity.  Adult virgins or men who did not have a variety of sexual experiences in their youth, are more likely to ejaculate prematurely because they’ve never really learned how to be a good lover.

If a man is embarrassed at the way his body looks or feels guilty about having sex, he may subconsciously want to end the experience as soon as possible.  He feels great desire to “release” but he’s trained himself not to actually focus on the pleasure of penetration and ejaculation.

The “acquired P.E.” mean it’s a fairly recent habit and not as psychologically complex as the lifelong habit.  For instance, if a man’s been feeling depressed lately, or if he’s under a lot of stress at work or at home, it wouldn’t be at all surprising to hear his stamina is low.

Poor health, poor dieting and no exercise routine can certainly contribute to erectile dysfunction as well as premature ejaculation, since blood flow directly influences a man’s sexual response and erection strength.  Excessive drinking of alcohol or certain prescription medications can also influence erectile stamina.

Relationship Problems – the Worst Cause of Premature Ejaculation!

Worst cause of premature ejaculation

Erectile dysfunction is always problematic, but usually it’s something a husband and wife (or boyfriend and girlfriend) can learn together, how to treat premature ejaculation.

The real problem though is when the issue is completely psychological and avoidant of intimacy.  This is something that can seriously damage a relationship since intimacy is not just a sexual experience, but a form of deep emotional bonding.

For example, a man who avoids having sex with his wife, in favor of masturbation, is creating a vicious cycle.  He may prefer masturbation with sex toys to his partner, in which case he will become accustomed to a routine.  This means he may not be able to ejaculate normally with a partner and may actually have no stamina when he penetrates a real vagina, which feels warm, soft, flexible, and unlike most sex toys.

Another example is when there’s conflict in the relationship and a woman actually increases the man’s performance anxiety, whether intentionally or not, because she creates a hostile bedroom environment.

Of course this is a problem!  Sitcom clichés notwithstanding, very few people actually have good sex with someone they can’t stand.  In order to reach peak sexual performance (including longer lasting staying power) a man needs to be with a partner who loves, trusts, and supports him.  Otherwise, the bedroom is full of negative emotions and this ruins the emotional intimacy, directly affecting the body’s response.

Negativity in the bedroom can also be caused by overly high expectations (as in, why can’t I perform like Johnny Big Gun in those movies or whatever his name is…) or in poor communication.  For example, if a woman needs a certain pressure or rhythm to reach orgasm, and just assumes that a man will find her combination eventually, this is a big problem.  He may never find that exact pattern unless she guides him to it.

Sex is not about reading each other’s minds.  Body signals can be far too subtle sometimes so it’s better to talk openly about what needs to happen so that your sex life can get better.

It also really helps for a couple to tackle the issue together, creating a special routine for the man who has problems with premature ejaculation.  For example, they might spend more time in foreplay, such as oral sex, or nipple play, before going onto penetration.  If the woman is stimulated for an hour’s time, penetration might not have to be an intense twenty minutes of constant stroking.

Another solution might be learning to start stroking, reach a point where the man is hard and approaching climax, and then stop.  In this case he’s re-learning how to stroke for the woman’s pleasure and how to manage his own body.  Discovering new ways on how to avoid crossing that “point of no return” is the focus in treatment.

Sometimes sufferers seek medical attention as an easy fix, such as topical creams or anti-depressants that supposedly delay ejaculation on a chemical level.  Priligy is listed as an antidepressant recommended for some cases of P.E.  EMLA is an anesthetic cream that literally numbs the penis, allowing for more traditional penetration.

It’s still important to remember however that learning how to better control your body and learn your own timing and response, is the most effective solution for the long-term, whereas medicinal solutions may only work to a point.  Different sexual positions may be recommended by a sex therapist as a way to better control ejaculations.  Practicing Kegel exercises may also help in learning how to treat premature ejaculation. For more excercises and tips, check out my article on how to last longer before ejaculation.

On the other hand, if you have tried more traditional methods and yet you still ejaculate too fast, perhaps within a few moments of penetration even without stroking, medicinal treatment may be a last resort in reducing the heightened sensitivity characteristic of P.E.

While the causes of premature ejaculation are not entirely understood, we do have more treatment options than ever before—including the gift of more widespread sexual education.  There are always solutions if you are willing to try new methods and, of course, willing to work extra hard to please your partner.

You might also like this article about the cure for premature ejaculation or how to overcome premature ejaculation.

Source Material

http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a5943/average-sex-time-0709/, http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/premature-ejaculation/symptoms-causes/dxc-20264133, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/save-your-sex-life/201501/premature-ejaculation-causes-and-10-tips-treatment, http://www.webmd.com/men/tc/premature-ejaculation-topic-overview#1

Mark Meyers

Mark is founder and sexcoach at Sexual Improvements. "Anyone can have an awesome sexlife with the right information!"

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