June 16, 2016

How to Stop Your Porn Addiction Now – Why It’s Ruining Your Life and What You Can Do about It

stop your porn addiction now

Porn addiction is a real, debilitating thing.

You can get more and different varieties of porn now than ever before.

You can stream it online for free, get DVDs, and visit strip clubs. You can get almost any fetish you want satisfied, whenever you want… Yet almost eerily at the same time, more men in their 20s and 30s have been having higher levels of sexual anxiety and even performance issues (erectile dysfunction/ED). A bit of sexual anxiety is normal, but ED is NOT at this age.

In fact in a study done by Esquire, 43% of men reported difficulty getting or maintaining an erection at least some of the time, with 24% reporting that they had difficulty “more often than I’d like to admit.” [1]

There have been entire sites like Your Brain on Porn dedicated to studying the links between sexual problems and porn. There are also groups like the No-Fap sub-reddit dedicated to quitting porn and masturbation, and Tim Ferriss’ 30-day NOBNOM (no booze, no masturbation/porn) challenge.

In this article, you’ll learn how you become addicted to porn, why kind of effects it has on you, and how to quit it so you can become more productive, energetic, and get rid of porn-induced ED.

The Science Behind Porn Addiction

Anything that activates the reward centers in your brain is referred to as a stimulus. Porn, on the other hand, does it to such an extreme that you perceive it as being FAR better than anything that’s normally pleasant. It’s what’s known as a “supranormal” stimulus [2].

As you keep watching porn, it creates a neurochemical imbalance just like you’d experience with a drug like cocaine. And just like any drug, you get used to it as you build up your tolerance. So you need more.

With porn, this translates into needing more hardcore and kinkier stuff. Before just regular sex was enough. But now, the girl needs to be pounded by several different guys and choked at the same time.

A video all about the connection between ED and porn.

Porn addiction is progressive and degenerative. With the higher levels of kink, you’ll also need to watch it more frequently and for longer periods of time.

You become addicted.

Porn becomes an unavoidable habit that interferes with your regular sex and social lives, causing you to drop hobbies, relationships, and responsibilities.

It’s not a good story.

8 Things Watching Porn Is Doing to You (TL;DR: They all Suck)

Wondering how porn is specifically screwing with your life? Here are 8 things watching porn is doing to you or that you could be using it for:

  1. It’s a form of avoidance by men from approaching women.

Depending on their past experiences and psychology, approaching women and entering into relationships with them can cause a great deal of anxiety for men.

Porn is an easy way to get out of approaching them and to satisfy a sexual need without ever having to face your anxieties.

  1. It’s escapism and self-medication.

For a guy who feels bad about himself, porn can give him that sense of control.

If it’s a guy who hasn’t had great luck with women, he can finally feel like he’s in charge: He decides when he cums, what he does to the girl (he chooses the scene), and which girls get to “be with him.”

For guys who never felt this way in real life, it’s a virtual world they’ve created for themselves that makes them feel good.

stop porn addiction as escapism

  1. It creates an over-abundance mentality when it comes to women.

Historically, men have a programmed drive to PURSUE women especially when there’s an opportunity for sex. In the era of the caveman, men didn’t know if they’d come across women that often, so they’d get when the getting was good.

Having an abundance mentality is a good thing to cultivate when it comes to dating. But with porn and having so many different “women” available to you at once, that scarcity mentality goes away. There’s no reason to call Becky up for that date when you just go and be with a pornstar whenever you want.

  1. It creates unrealistic expectations of women.

Porn women are photoshopped, have plastic surgery, and get paid to look a certain way.

Real women have flaws, both physically and mentally, and many guys used to porn are completely turned off by one beauty mark or a girl not having DDs.

Real women are imperfect and there’s nothing wrong with that, because you and I are as well. The flaws we have in each other create attraction.

  1. It leads to women and sex being placed on a pedestal.

Porn can also create the illusion that women and sex are ALL that matters in life… That they are super out of reach, unattainable, and all you should strive for.

Not only is this unhealthy in terms of what you focus on, but it will lead to you supplicating to all women in your life. This includes those who treat you poorly.

  1. It causes ED and sexual shame.

As you learned above, porn has been shown to cause ED. Moreover, it can create HUGE amounts of sexual shame in a guy, especially if he has to hide his habits from his family or partners.

Sex starts to become taboo and a guy programs himself to think that exploring his own body sexually or being openly sexual with someone is a bad thing. This messes with your head, and can really create a great deal of anxiety when approaching women or trying to become physically intimate with them.

Also check out this article on the development of premature ejaculation.

  1. It may make you emotionally imbalanced.

Studies of porn have shown that users may suffer from [3]:

  • Isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Fear
  • Guilt
  • Shame
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Low self-esteem and self-worth

Not a good rap sheet.

  1. Since porn usually goes along with masturbation, it kills productivity, libido, and livelihood.

Ever notice how after you masturbate you don’t feel like doing much?

You feel drained, unproductive, and lazy.

Since porn and masturbation are usually inseparable, porn can absolutely kill your drive to do anything. That includes going to the gym, building a business, being with a real woman, and more.

The Benefits of Quitting Porn and Why You Should Stop Watching It

I used to be addicted to porn, having watched it since I was a teenager and masturbating 3 times a week to it.

I quit it over 3 years ago after reading all about the problems with porn addiction and from suffering through some MAJOR anxiety issues with women.

Since then I’ve noticed myself more attracted to “normal looking” girls as opposed to “fake” girls with lots of make-up at clubs. I’m also happier and have FAR less sexual anxiety.

I also don’t masturbate that much either and the amount of work I have created in the past few years is amazing.

When you quit porn you will experience:

  1. Increased productivity – Because you have more time and energy to dedicate to your projects.
  2. A higher sex drive/desire to go after real girls – Because you aren’t jerking off to girls on the internet you can only touch through the screen, and because your sexual shame will begin to fade away.
  3. You will be more dominant, aggressive, and confident in your actions in life – Many men report increased levels of confidence and dominance after quitting porn, feeling freer, and happier.

So now that you’ve seen the problems with porn and what you can gain from quitting, how can you go about doing it?

How to Beat Your Porn Addiction

  1. Go cold turkey.

With some things, like cigarettes, getting weened off them usually makes it better and easier.

But that’s not the case for porn.

You should go completely cold turkey, not watching ANYTHING.

Delete all your videos. Delete your site bookmarks.

Wipe it all away.

I remember when I deleted all the porn I stockpiled since high school my stomach honestly dropped… But it was so worth it.

Action Step: Delete it all and be done with it.

  1. Set up internet blockers.

Internet blockers to stop porn addiction

Most guys get their porn from the internet. So, it’s important to set up programs that block the sites that contain porn.

Programs like K-9 Web Protection allow you to pick sites to block, but also include a general “porn” filter.

Action Steps:

  1. Download and install K-9 Web Filter.
  2. Input the common sites you go to in the “blocked sites” list and choose to also filter porn sites.
  3. Ask your friend to input a password and tell him not to give it to you no matter what.
  4. Consider only masturbating once or twice a week.

Since porn and masturbation go hand-in-hand (no pun intended), consider reducing the amount you currently masturbate.

When you do, try to only focus on the sensations you feel or if you need to fantasize, only think about REAL girls.

Think about ones you’re dating right now, ones you want to have sex with, or ones you’ve seen around.

Not only does this begin to unlink porn and your sex life, but many writers like David Deida in Way of the Superior Man and Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich recommend abstaining from masturbation. The sexual energy can be used for other things in life — like hitting the gym hard and building something great.

Action Step: Consider changing your masturbation frequency to only once or twice a week. Pick the day(s) and STICK TO IT.

  1. Use an accountability partner to keep you from slipping up.

We can BS ourselves but not other people.

Consider giving your friend $200 and tell him if you slip up on watching porn this week, he can keep it.

That extra motivation is going to keep you from looking at things.

  1. Replace watching porn with another habit.

Every time you feel like watching porn, replace it with another habit that’s FAR removed from sources of porn (e.g. the computer).

Take a walk, do some push ups, go to the gym… Just do SOMETHING that ISN’T watching porn.

Action Step: Decide on another activity or habit you will do instead of watching porn.

  1. Remember to not give porn power over you: It’s just a negative habit that you CAN beat.

A lot of guys get trumped up with porn thinking it’s some unbeatable monster that they’ll always be victim to or need.

But porn is just an addictive habit, and all habits can be changed and broken.

Understand that porn is just you pigging out on virtual sex that’s unhealthy for you. It’s the sex equivalent of eating too much candy when it comes to food.

If you want to stop eating candy you eat candy one time, then a salad the other, and notice the difference in how you feel. You learn about what eating candy does to you over time. As you go on, you don’t WANT to feel the lows that come with the candy and you naturally turn to healthier alternatives.

It’s the exact same with porn.

Action Step: Always remember in your mind that porn is just a habit and that all habits can be changed and broken.

  1. Take steps to conserve your willpower for what matters.

Willpower, or self-discipline, is finite. Each of us has cultivated a certain amount over time and while you can work to increase it, you’re always fighting a battle of running out of it over the day.

This is also known as ego depletion.

Willpower is exhausted when you make decisions, like when you choose the healthy food versus the junk food and when you work versus just sitting around.

To shortcut this process and conserve your willpower so that you can use it to fight the urge to look at porn, consider automating choices that could take up energy during the day. These choices could be things like:

  • Your morning routine.
  • What you eat for at least 2 out of 3 of your meals.
  • What you’re going to wear the day before.

All these decisions would take willpower that you can conserve and use for more important things, like making sure you don’t look at porn.

Action Step: Examine what easy choices you can automate or decide the day before to conserve your willpower for what matters.

Final Helpful Tips

Above all else when you start on the road to quitting porn, it’s important to be patient and forgive yourself. If you’ve been watching porn your entire life, quitting cold turkey is going to be EXTREMELY difficult and you’ll probably slip up here and there.

When this happens, DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

You’re trying to change a deeply engrained habit and it’s going to be tough. If you slip up, just start again and keep going.

You are doing a great thing and this will have LIFE CHANGING effects.

Be patient, keep on it, and go enjoy some real women. 😉

Sources

[1]. http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a13292/sex-survey-2012-0412/?hootPostID=7a0110f428b24230930a6755bfdf449b.

[2]. Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addiction – a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 3, 20767.

[3]. Schneider, J. P. (2000). A Qualitative Study of Cybersex Participants: Gender Differences, Recovery Issues, and Implications for Therapists. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 7(4), 249–278.

 

 

 

 

Mark Meyers

Mark is founder and sexcoach at Sexual Improvements. "Anyone can have an awesome sexlife with the right information!"

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